i was wrong before...there is no "storm before the calm"...
i understand what the hulk went thru when he finally realized how the world viewed him. what people who called themselves friends did to him by deceiving him and sending him to another planet with intentions of ending his life. but they made two mistakes....they didn't think he would find a way home...and he did. and even bigger mistake. he came home..pissed off and twice as strong as before. he had a year of rage to lash out to cause a war...him against those who tricked and the fuckin world...is it revenge or retribution? after what i experienced this year...i know how he feels. funny what rage does to a man when he finally become focused on one goal...
is this what you expect? seems the whole world feels the same...
we see it everyday. people giving opportunities like steak on a platter ahead of others who work harder for it. people taking shit for granted like kindness and thoughtfulness from others. people who think they have the goddamn right to impose their will and authority on others because they are on top..they can look down. people who because they don't like somebody..fucks with their life. people who pose as friends and are gone like the wind when times get rough, use you as a scapegoat and/or can rub their accomplishments in your face. people who judge and fear what they don't understand....
you know these people. you and i know them well. they are the reason why they try to condemn me to my cement prison....where i sit full of rage...where i have sat this entire cursed year...
no more. i'm tired. but tired enough to quit. just tired of enough of the walls before me keepin me from what i want to do. this is no different from i was dealin with growing up..
i was a fat kid that was always left out of things because i was a nobody. i was a virtual door mat to everyone. i was laughed at..ridiculed at...someone who you could to make fun of. the end of many jokes. i was walked all over and didn't stand up for myself. even my parent didn't have much faith in me...i was the middle child that was always forgotten. i was quiet but couldn't stand what was happenin...even worse...i was allowing it and it had built up a good deal of rage in me....most of which was against myself...and nowhere to release it or put its wrath upon. it came out one day as 2 people were picking on me. i had hit the wall. i had enough. i lashed out at them and beat them up. didn't realize then what i had done. how much rage was inside of me. how much of it was uncontrolled. i barely remember the incident when it occured.
i wasn't like most children. i stayed inside a lot cause the ridicule and tormenting. i found an old exercise machine that my parents never used. i saw bodybuilding tv shows on espn a few times and thought...i wanted to be like them. so i worked out on it everyday just about during the summer. my parents saw a change in me. everyone did. i started buying magazines like ironman and flex a lot. i didn't mind staying inside so long as i was left alone to workout. then for christmas one year, my parents bought me my first weight set. before this i had no idea what i looked like...i just lifted to get bigger. even after people started treating me differently, i didn't care anymore. i wanted to be not just big and strong but the biggest and the strongest. i learned a lot from the iron. always look at the bigger picture. the shit i went thru was a wall i had to smash the shit out of and i did. but i wanted something greater than that now and i knew there would be more walls in my way that i would have to smash down. i learned true strength comes from those who truly know what it means inside and out. to be able to stand against anything and let nuthin stop you or hold you back. to me...the iron is the same a reality itself...and because of the iron i was strong enough to believe in myself and smash thru doubts, fears, and misunderstandings of others...
i find myself back at the same point...enclosed by walls.
now, i've had enough. no more. fuck, i will play the cards i've been dealt....and if it takes me one hand or several...know i will find a way beat the dealer. i will use the weapons that i have (shitty as they maybe) and become a fuckin wreckin machine comin to turn those peoples fuckin dreams in to nightmares....starring me...i won't be human. i will still be something they can't understand...but now they fear. collateral damage? so what. i'll let god sort it out. i won't go fuckin quiet. FUCK THEM ALL!! i will step on all skulls...none are worth savin. i've smashed thru countless walls before me and now i'm goin to smash thru this one cause rise to chaos....virtual monsters ripped from their worse fuckin nightmares..
i was wrong to let them have power over me and that won't happen again. they fear what i will become and it will happen. they hoped i would stay within the walls where they hoped i would silent. no fuckin more. i won't ask why or let them explain themselves. they had their time for that. its past due. time claim what's mine. i won't say what i will do. i've already done that. waiting for my time to come won't happen and to take what's mine has fuckin arrived. i won't hold my rage back anymore or anything else for that matter. those people can do two things...stand aside or stand in my way. and i surely do hope they stand in my way i'm a different kind of wreckin machine...not a wreckin ball...it will be rage. pure unfuckincontrollable rage...those people will have to seek heaven for mercy...cause i won't.
if you learn anything from this....learn this...there are walls for a reason. they were meant to be knocked down! don't fuckin conform to what the "people" are doing or goin to do to you. some people choose to succumb to them and become content. others see what the truth is. potential. when those up top see that potential they want to seal it away. they trap us in walls because we are CHAOS incarnate! we fuckin upset the balance...the order of their world. make a plan...an assault..to upset that balance/order and give hell. be more than a wreckin ball. don't ask for respect...take it. you do crazy shit for a reason. they fear what we will become. they fear what we will cause. armed with our killer instincts and violent intentions to be the strongest...they can't stop you. the only they they hope to do is to struggle against us or watch...time to wreck the fuckin order..disrupt the ranks...tear down doubts..and strike fear...to become what they fear we would become....MONSTERS!
i will keep in mind what MACHINE mentioned...arm your violent intentions with these words..."Be guided by your own vision and make them sick with your appearance , its only because it reminds them of what they are not."
have a happy new year...
TB