If you want a body like that, you need to start your log on EVO.
For your cycle you should use n2guard for organ liver support if you dont want to "die" as you say but with English translations, I think you dont want sides.
Can you start a LOG Journal for your training right now?
Please post a Log Journal asap for us
Please click the anabolic forum
https://www.evolutionary.org/forums/forums/anabolic-steroids-and-peds.2/
top RIGHT, you see: +POST THREAD
click that
in Title: write your cycle name, like> My _____ Cycle Log
___ = the name of your log
example: My Training cycle Log
in body: write your planned cycle or cycle you doing now, your diet, training and we will help you along on your cycle