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Gym Lingo you must know!!


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Gym Lingo You Must Know

Gym lingo is an important aspect of making your gym experience both entertaining and safe. There’s a lot of crazy shit that goes on in most gyms and I’ve decided to make it a point to educate you on what to lookout for. Below is my “Top 20 List” of some common circumstances you may run into during your journey of achieving optimal health and fitness. Although a few of these may seem a bit extreme, I guarantee that if you pay attention, you’ll see every one of these take place within the next 2 weeks. Good luck!

1) The Joker: This is the lady that wears a full-on clown mask each time she comes to the gym. Full make-up to the gym is definitely Stupid Gym Shit, and Batman wouldn’t be impressed.

2) The Tea-Bagger: This is the guy who spots his buddy on the bench press, and thinks it’s necessary to get so close that he’s actually straddling his workout partners face. Gross but it happens all the time!

3) The 7-Day Traveler: These are the guys that carry around their oversized duffle bags from machine to machine the entire duration of their workout. They have so much unnecessary shit in there, you’d think they were going on vacation for a week.

4) The Moth-Man: This is the guy that wears the shirt that’s been attacked by moths. He’ll spend $30 a month on a gym membership, but won’t go to Wal-Mart and buy 10 new shirts for $5.

5) Cardio Queens: These are the people that spend all their time on the cardio equipment and never physically change. They usually get great enjoyment from taking 45-60 minute “cortisol showers” each time they do their cardio.

6) The Disappearing Heart: This happens when you sit on a bench or seat with a sweaty ass. When you stand up, your ass leaves an imprint of a heart on the bench, and within 10 seconds it magically disappears. Now some people’s heart looks more like a round bar-table, but we’ll save that for another post.

7) The Crash-Test Dummy: This is the guy that feels that it’s necessary to wear every piece of protective brace available. He’ll often be seen wearing gloves, lifting straps, elbow braces, knee braces, ankle braces, and of course a weight belt. I’ve even seen some guys lifting weights with a mouthpiece in.

8) The Illusionist: This is the guy that only wears shirts one-size too small. With the extra small shirt on, he gives off the illusion that he’s bigger than he actually is. That sneaky bastard!

9) Sticky Fingers: We’ve all seen these people. These are the people that go to use the bathroom and don’t think it’s necessary to wash their hands before going back onto the workout floor and grab all the handles and weights. Definitely think about this one next time you feel like rubbing your eyes and face with your hands while training.

10) The Crop Duster: This is that person who lays that silent fart in the middle of the workout floor and then knowingly scurries across the workout room spraying everybody that’s in his or her path.

11) Spiderman: This is the guy that wears the skin-tight spandex shirts while he works out. His reasoning must be that there is so much wind-resistance in the gym that all the excess wind-drag from a regular shirt would hinder his bench press and bicep curl performance. Go climb a wall Spidey!

12) The Night-Club Bouncer: This is the person that sits on a machine or bench for hours and will not move. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they make up some B.S. excuse as to why you can’t work in with them. Guess that’s why they don’t have a real job, right? Ouch!

13) The Fish-Out-Of-Water: This is that person who decides that form and technique are never a concern. Whether they are squatting, pressing, rowing, or curling, they flail around like a fish-out-of-water using nothing but momentum to lift the weight, and wonder why their back is sore the next morning.

14) The Walking Waterfall: This is the person that sweats profusely on everything. Typically these people begin to sweat just from changing in the locker room. Small lakes have been known
to form around them if they remain in one spot for too long

15) The Labor Room: This is also sometimes referred to as the Brothel, because you’re either going to experience one of two sounds the loud grunts similar to a mother giving birth, or moans that make you feel like you’ve just stumbled upon an underground Brothel. Either way, we all know who these people are and have heard their ludicrous “I’m lifting so heavy I have to moan and grunt” sounds quite often.

16) Ego-Lifters: The description of these individuals is so complex I dedicated an entire blog post to them. If you haven’t seen it yet, and are still a bit confused at what an Ego-Lifter is, then click here.

17) The Peeping-Tom: This is the pervert that comes to the gym everyday and always decides to go on the back row of the cardio equipment. He does nothing more then walk on the treadmill and look at all the eye-candy in front of him. You’re not fooling anyone and we all know who you are!

18) The Slip N’ Slide: This is that person who sweats like a pig on a bench and doesn’t think they need to wipe it up. If you catch someone doing this, you have my permission to take off your sweaty sock and slap them across the face with it. Tell them Stupid Gym Shit said you could do it!

19) The Fruit Basket: This is in reference to all those guys who find it necessary to wear biker shorts or spandex to they gym while they workout. I don’t care if you rode your bike to the gym. Roll up a pair of real gym shorts, stuff them in your bike fanny pack and CHANGE! We’re all tired of looking at that compact-little fruit basket when you lay down to do bench presses.

20) The California Raisins: These are the group of old guys that do nothing more than sit in the sauna every day. They can often be spotted by their wrinkly skin and over-developed man boobs. The stationary bike and a few push-ups would be a much better investment of time for these guys!
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holy shit.. half of those I see at my gym everyday

I am probably 3 of those myself! haha
Lol nice thread, I think i would add the typical guy who comes, uses all the machines in the gym with light ass weights then leaves. That could be called the "Gym machines overall quality supervisor" or something like that.
Thats some funny shit, seen some crazy stupid shit over the years and I think you nailed all of them. LOL
OMG, I was the Walking Waterfall when I was younger.
My Gym didn't have but 1 Big Fan, and in 90 degree heat with 90% Humidity, I wore a Headband and carried a Towel or two.................... JP
Thank God, as I got Older I Stopped Sweating my Ass Off, now I just Perspire a lot, But No More Puddles (lol)
I've seen every one of your Descriptions at one time or another (LMFAO).
lmao this is great. All very true. I can definitely be the walking waterfall. Fucking tren lol.
By the time I go and bring the sanitizer & towel to clean the bench or handles someone usually occupies the equipment by then. So cleaning is hit and miss IMO.
lol my man.
Me too. My gym has all that. U forgot one

The Poser -

The gym goer either buffed up or skinny as shit. He who does one set of any excercise and then struts around checking out his pump and flexing in the mirror as if that set just made him bigger.

I confess to the labor room. lol I wear my head phones and blast music and don't realize im bad
Me too. My gym has all that. U forgot one

The Poser -

The gym goer either buffed up or skinny as shit. He who does one set of any excercise and then struts around checking out his pump and flexing in the mirror as if that set just made him bigger.


^^^ Absolutely K, drives me nuts when I see one. I just laugh
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