DISCLAIMER: This article discusses adult topics. The writer aims to open a serious discussion about pornography addiction and the harm it possibly does.
....How online porn is ruining your relationships, sex life, fitness, and career....
You probably have heard of the cereal "Corn Flakes", but what you don't know is the guy who invented "Corn Flakes" back in in the 1870's was Dr. John Harvey Kellogg. Now, why would I bring up cereal, along with a guy who died 50 some years before the internet even existed, in an online porn article?
The reason is Dr. John Kellogg was a crazy religious prude who was very much against sex being pleasurable and masturbation. He advocated circumcision as a way to prevent boys from masturbating, and he advocated the use of carbonic acid on a young females clitoris to prevent her from playing with herself.
These types of inhumane acts are still being done even today, and even in the United States, where many baby boys are mutilated at birth because parents are under the impression that masturbation is wrong or bad. The facts of the matter are masturbation is actually perfectly healthy, and we know from studies that doing it once a week will reduce the chance of prostate cancer. So this article is NOT some prudish anti-masturbation or anti-sex article, and I am far from a crazy religious prude.
The problem though is that in the 21st century we have access to something that is actually harmful called: internet pornography. In this article, I will explain why porn addiction WILL actually destroy your relationships, sex drive, erectile health, career, and fitness.
Porn addiction vs. Other addictions
Just like any addiction, people who are addicted may not even realize it. On one hand, it is similar to the person who goes out for drinks almost every night after work and thinks that they aren't alcoholics, or the person who smokes a pack of cigarettes everyday who is too stubborn to quit. On the other hand, it is different because the problem with porn is that, as men, we view it as something that 'everyone does' or 'it's cool to look at naked chicks' and ' it makes me a man'. In addition to this, pornography is plastered all over the internet. We are bombarded by spam porn emails, buddies at work send us nude pics, and yeah we like looking at naked chicks (or dudes).
Similar to any addiction, you will get a dopamine rush from watching porn. You will also get a peak high and then crash after and feel guilt. You will feel ashamed and promise yourself you will quit, but then, after a refractory period, you will go back to it to seek that dopamine rush. It is similar to a gambler who loses money day after day, but then wins some money back, and then continues to play. Casino's actually rig slot machines to cause players to win every so often, just enough to keep them playing. Porn addiction is the same because internet sites offer free videos and pictures, then try to draw you in to pay money for sites or special memberships. They are smart about updating their sites constantly and teasing you with previews of upcoming videos to keep you coming back. You may have paid for porn before, then a few hours later regretted spending that money and called to cancel the charge. That is why porn sites have such a high chargeback percentage, meaning many people who order porn try to reverse the charge.
Signals of Addiction
Signals I am addicted to online porn....
- Do you lock your door and watch porn at home behind your partners back?
- Do you wait for your partner to leave the house so you can watch porn?
- Do you watch porn at work or on your phone?
- Are you bored with sex with your partner?
- Do you come up with excuses to avoid sex with your partner?
- Do you spend hours a week looking at porn?
- Do you spend money on porn subscriptions?
- Are you having a tough time keeping an erection or ejaculating from sex with your partner?
- Do you fantasize about women or men you have seen online in porn?
- Do you bring porn fantasies home and expect your partner to do the same acts?
Affect on Relationships
How porn affects my sex life and relationships....
In almost 50% of divorces, one party has blamed their partner for their excessive porn interest. It is definitely a problem in a marriage or relationship. The biggest reason is that watching online porn will lead to sexual anorexia, which is a loss of appetite for having sex with their partners. The most obvious reason is a person becomes desensitized to actual physical intimacy since you can simply go online with a few clicks and look at so many beautiful women doing any fantasy you wish. Another big problem is there are zero expectations when you wack off to online porn vs. trying to satisfy a partner + them being able to satisfy you. Looking at online porn is a selfish and lazy for that reason.
Over time you are no longer enjoying sex with your partner because they aren't doing things that those women online are doing, they aren't wearing the sexy outfits, they don't have the perfect bodies, and they aren't behaving like sluts. This leads to a slippery slope of sexual boredom.
In fact, one man I interviewed for this article told me he looks at porn every day for 2-3 hours on average and has had sex with his wife only twice in the past 5 years! What started out as sex every day slowly dwindled as he built up a very strong porn addiction. Eventually, his gorgeous wife became boring and stale to him and the only way he could get that dopamine rush was to watch other hot women have sex online.
Many married men I have talked to admitted they would lock themselves in their office while their wives were sleeping and would look at porn, rather than initiate sex. This is not healthy at all as intimacy is very important in a marriage.
This porn addiction would then lead to them seek sex outside the marriage via dating sites and apps. Yes, a porn addiction will increase the likelihood of you seeking sex outside the marriage because you need that excitement. Perhaps even worse is when you do try and have sex you are unable to get an erection because you are so used to flipping through porn hunched over in front of a computer that your mind loses the ability to even have interest in real sex.
Affect on Fitness
How porn affects my fitness....
Have you ever looked at porn after work and then played with yourself and then didn't feel like working out? Or woke up in the morning horny and then wacked off instead of going for a 15 minute jog? That is the most glaring way that porn will affect your fitness. The time you are wasting looking at porn should be used at the gym, going for a bicycle ride, playing tennis with a buddy, going for a jog, or taking the dog for a long walk, etc.
Also, porn gives you that dopamine release and that release is lost when you do a workout. You may find yourself losing interest in the gym for this reason, and if you do make it to the gym you simply do not have the focus or energy to put in a proper workout.
Affect on Career
How porn can affect my career and finances....
The obvious problem here is that the time wasted looking at porn could be used to make more money. If you calculate the hours you waste watching porn, it may disgust you. One person I interviewed, who admitted to a porn addiction, said he spends 4 hours a night looking at porn, messaging random women in chat rooms, engaging in webcams, and sexting/messaging people. In many of those situations it was free initially, but then he was roped into paying for one on one sessions with women, trannies, and men.
This addiction ended up translating to wanting to meet hookers (escorts) in person. So he would then visit escort sites, and use hookup apps, to meet random women who would charge him hundreds per hour. His addiction kept getting worse, and he said he was spending thousands a month because regular sex with his wife did nothing for him. Once she found out about the money he was stealing out of their accounts to fund his porn and sex addiction, she had grounds to divorce him. He also ended up getting another woman pregnant he met on an app, and now is facing 18 years of child support.
How to cure my addiction?
How to cure my porn addiction and is it okay to masturbate?
Just like any addiction, the first step is admitting you have a problem....
The next step is logging off all your porn sites, deleting all the porn off your computer, and install porn blocker software. Because your mind is so desensitized from all your porn watching you must now actually 'sensitize' your mind again.
Let me explain what I mean with another example: A man I interviewed said when he would have sex with his wife, he would not even look at her or think about her during sex, but he would think of the porn actress he had 20 videos of saved on his USB. He would also fantasize about other men having sex with his wife at the same time while they were having sex! So for him to get past that and re-engage in proper intimacy with his wife he needs to get those images out of his head.
Conquering your porn addiction is not an easy task. It will take many months to do it.
If you do not have a partner you can have sex with then masturbating once a week is completely healthy. As mentioned earlier, when you do this you will actually help keep your prostate healthier.
Should I seek help?
Honestly, there really isn't much help out there. You do have porn addiction counselors you can see, but they do charge quite a bit of money and their results are as poor as any substance abuse counselor. There are some coaches online who charge a ridiculous amount for coaching you through your problem, and there are some who will attempt to push religion down your throat. In most cases, this will actually backfire on you as they do push an anti-masturbation/sex agenda. Remember sex is okay, and so is masturbation, but neither should involve looking at porn, especially online porn!
The best way for you to fix your porn addiction is on your own, you got yourself into the mess and you need to get yourself back out by simply not watching it!
What happens if I relapse and how can I prevent a relapse?
Relapsing from online porn is very common. One man I interviewed said he went 2 months without watching porn after he was addicted for 10+ years. One day he checked his email, and he opened up a message from a porn site he used to subscribe to, and saw a beautiful women's picture. He could not help himself, so he clicked and was directed to the porn site, and he ended up signing up and relapsed. Afterward, he felt ashamed.
If this happens to you it's okay, you need to simply start over. The longer you go without looking at porn, the better chance you have of quitting your addiction.
Not being addicted
What is it like not being a porn addict?
The end result of being free of online porn addiction is you will notice people in person all around you. At the grocery store, gym, ballgame, restaurant, etc. You will give off a new aura which will make you more attractive to people. You will notice you become less anti-social. Your sex life will improve drastically, you won't need to use dick pills anymore just to have sex, and you will appreciate your partner if you are in a relationship or marriage.
Final tips for fighting porn addiction....
A lot of people will watch porn during stressful times. Let's say you get stressed out from work, you may use that situation to turn to porn to get a dopamine rush, or to help you fight off stress. You may also notice you look at porn at certain times of the day. Whenever you feel tempted to look at porn you should do things like the gym, yoga, meditation, spend time with your family/friends, or going for a walk. The bottom line is you must replace looking at porn with something positive and beneficial or you will never beat it.
Join the Evolutionary.org forums and have your say on Pornagraphy addiction!
*DISCLAIMER: This article is for information and entertainment purposes only.
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