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normagene
New member
I can't help laughing...
This one, an oldie but a goodie, cracks me up every time I see/read it.
so many funny pic lol
Jake Gyllenhaal1
New member
lol.. it's funny. u can believe that i've read all the pic here. LMAO
normagene
New member
There's another thread "Funny Pictures" now locked, it got too full. You can check it out if you have t already.
normagene
New member
normagene
New member
IRISH WAKE
LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER
Judy married Ted; they had 13 children.
When Ted died, she married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident.
Judy married again, and this time, she and John had 5 children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the priest prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend Margaret, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”
Margaret replied, "I think he means her legs!"
LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER
Judy married Ted; they had 13 children.
When Ted died, she married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident.
Judy married again, and this time, she and John had 5 children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the priest prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend Margaret, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”
Margaret replied, "I think he means her legs!"
normagene
New member
Government Work
A guy goes to the post office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
A guy goes to the post office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
normagene
New member
I like this idea
If You Rather Not Have A Gun In The House, but want to play it safe. Then go DeWalt.
In view of the recent Supreme Court ruling, sales of this new product may skyrocket.
Washington thinks they are going to take away our guns, so check this out. I like it!
NAIL GUNS! AND, you don't even have to REGISTER them or have LICENSES for them!
AND, you don't have to worry about them being CONCEALED!
Just a LOT of good stuff to do with THIS!
Once in a while something so totally cool comes out that even a guy who doesn't normally even know what he'd like for Father's Day or Christmas
would immediately ask for it:
Thank you, DeWalt!!!
New Nail Gun, made by DeWalt. It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2x4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a breeze, you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
Hundred round magazine.
Someone invades your home, just nail their ass.
If You Rather Not Have A Gun In The House, but want to play it safe. Then go DeWalt.
In view of the recent Supreme Court ruling, sales of this new product may skyrocket.
Washington thinks they are going to take away our guns, so check this out. I like it!
NAIL GUNS! AND, you don't even have to REGISTER them or have LICENSES for them!
AND, you don't have to worry about them being CONCEALED!
Just a LOT of good stuff to do with THIS!
Once in a while something so totally cool comes out that even a guy who doesn't normally even know what he'd like for Father's Day or Christmas
would immediately ask for it:
Thank you, DeWalt!!!
New Nail Gun, made by DeWalt. It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2x4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a breeze, you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
Hundred round magazine.
Someone invades your home, just nail their ass.
BigLeo
New member
REDNECK COOKOUT
Y'all come on down and enjoy some grub!
I never knew a toilet had so many uses......................
normagene
New member
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt
Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives
in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says
St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a
problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you
see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me
in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the
higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and
one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my
mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have
our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the
elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he
finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with
him.
Everyone is very happy and
in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and
reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and
then dined on lobster, caviar and the finest
champagne.
Also present is the devil,
who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing
and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before
the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a
hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens
in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit
heaven."
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp
and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it,
the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent
a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your
eternity."
The Senator reflects for a
minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I
mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in
hell."
So St. Peter escorts him
to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell... Now the doors
of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered
with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in
rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash
falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulders.
"I don't understand,"
stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and clubhouse, we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and
danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look miserable. What
happened?"
The devil smiles at him
and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ...
Today, you
voted."
Vote wisely Nov 8,
2016
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives
in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says
St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a
problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you
see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me
in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the
higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and
one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my
mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have
our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the
elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he
finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with
him.
Everyone is very happy and
in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and
reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and
then dined on lobster, caviar and the finest
champagne.
Also present is the devil,
who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing
and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before
the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a
hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens
in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit
heaven."
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp
and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it,
the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent
a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your
eternity."
The Senator reflects for a
minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I
mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in
hell."
So St. Peter escorts him
to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell... Now the doors
of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered
with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in
rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash
falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulders.
"I don't understand,"
stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and clubhouse, we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and
danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look miserable. What
happened?"
The devil smiles at him
and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ...
Today, you
voted."
Vote wisely Nov 8,
2016
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Shovelhead
Member
^^^^^Lmao how true
- - - Updated - - -
I know it's been asked and explained, but how do u post a pic in here
- - - Updated - - -
I know it's been asked and explained, but how do u post a pic in here
normagene
New member
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt
Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives
in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says
St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a
problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you
see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me
in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the
higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and
one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my
mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have
our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the
elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he
finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with
him.
Everyone is very happy and
in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and
reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and
then dined on lobster, caviar and the finest
champagne.
Also present is the devil,
who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing
and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before
the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a
hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens
in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit
heaven."
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp
and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it,
the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent
a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your
eternity."
The Senator reflects for a
minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I
mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in
hell."
So St. Peter escorts him
to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell... Now the doors
of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered
with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in
rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash
falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulders.
"I don't understand,"
stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and clubhouse, we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and
danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look miserable. What
happened?"
The devil smiles at him
and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ...
Today, you
voted."
Vote wisely Nov 8,
2016
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives
in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says
St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a
problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you
see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me
in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the
higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and
one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my
mind. I want to be in heaven," says the
Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have
our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the
elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he
finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with
him.
Everyone is very happy and
in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and
reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and
then dined on lobster, caviar and the finest
champagne.
Also present is the devil,
who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing
and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before
the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a
hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens
in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit
heaven."
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp
and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it,
the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent
a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your
eternity."
The Senator reflects for a
minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I
mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in
hell."
So St. Peter escorts him
to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell... Now the doors
of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered
with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in
rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash
falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm
around his shoulders.
"I don't understand,"
stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf
course and clubhouse, we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and
danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look miserable. What
happened?"
The devil smiles at him
and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ...
Today, you
voted."
Vote wisely Nov 8,
2016
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
normagene
New member
Good one for Election Day
Bad Day
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was
going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight.. I immediately began searching for him.
My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he
landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.
This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get
my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator.
I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack
and died almost instantly.
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir.. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in .
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump. "
"Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side!
Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony
below mine.
But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.
Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony.
It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me.
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak.
Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the
day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this.
I'm naked, inside a refrigerator......
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Bad Day
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was
going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight.. I immediately began searching for him.
My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he
landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die.
This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get
my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
of was the refrigerator.
I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack
and died almost instantly.
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir.. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in .
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was Donald Trump. "
"Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side!
Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony
below mine.
But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.
Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony.
It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me.
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.
"Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
almost too shocked to speak.
Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the
day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this.
I'm naked, inside a refrigerator......
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
normagene
New member
Is Your Sister a Plastic Surgeon?
Lyle was hunting geese in the Northern Minnesota woods. He leaned his old
16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his Labrador dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off, and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 shot into the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Sven. "Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da good noos is datyou're going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was verylittle internal bleeding, and I vas able to remove all da buckshot.
"What's the bad news?", asks Lyle.
"The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena. "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle.
"Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.
Lyle was hunting geese in the Northern Minnesota woods. He leaned his old
16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his Labrador dog Ginger knocked the gun over, it went off, and Lyle took most of an ounce of #4 shot into the groin.
Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his ER doctor, Sven. "Vell Lyle, I got some good noos and some bad noos. Da good noos is datyou're going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was verylittle internal bleeding, and I vas able to remove all da buckshot.
"What's the bad news?", asks Lyle.
"The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena. "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle.
"Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.
hahahahaha
One more for the Season....................................... JP
the dog is probably wondering how a tree grew in the den/cave
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