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oh shit lol
omg hahaha wow, gonna have to take this one and share it.
Damn, Santa looks like He wants to Eat that Budgie..................................... JP
P.S.
Bye Bye Parakeet !!!
Shultz
New Member
That's gold.
normagene
New member
You think English is easy?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
.20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
normagene
New member
This must have been One of those Ski Slalom Gates, like the Downhill Racers go through and sometimes Over....................... JP
normagene
New member
Here is an
e-mail sent to Clarence Page of the Chicago Tribune after an
article he published concerning a name change for the Washington
Redskins.
Dear Mr. Page:
I agree with our Native American population. I am highly
insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington
Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional
football team after Native Americans would exalt them as
fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to
offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and
courtesy, we must move forward.
Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta
Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are
in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins
makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of
the Cleveland Browns.
The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the
memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive. Gone.
It's offensive to us white folk.
The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you
see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There
is no room for any reference to that tragic war that
cost this country so many young men's lives.
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic
religion among our sports team names. Totally
inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los
Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.
Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who
raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible
Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong
message to our children. The San Diego Chargers
promote irresponsible fighting or even spending
habits. Wrong message to our children.
The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote
obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our
children.
The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong
message to our children.
The Milwaukee Brewers.
Well that goes without saying. Wrong message to our
children.
So, there you go. We need to support any legislation
that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the
government will likely become involved with this issue, as
they should. Just the kind of thing the
do-nothing Congress loves.
As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of
this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to
change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic
teams to something other than "the Beavers
(especially when they play Southern California. Do we really
want the Trojans sticking it to the Beavers???)
I always love your articles and I generally agree with
them. As for the Redskins name I would suggest they
change the name to the “Foreskins” to better represent
their community, paying tribute to the dick heads in
Congress
--
That was Fucking Awesome and Really to the Point.
People Everywhere just need to get on with Life, and Stop Worrying about the Little Things.
Maybe that's Congress's Problem - Too many Old Men with Little Things Between there Legs and Nothing Between their Ears.............................. JP
People Everywhere just need to get on with Life, and Stop Worrying about the Little Things.
Maybe that's Congress's Problem - Too many Old Men with Little Things Between there Legs and Nothing Between their Ears.............................. JP
normagene
New member
Start Gett'n Ready Boys 
normagene
New member
Crap, Let Me Try That Again,
My Husband Left Me This Note:
To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.
When he came home late that night, he found the following letter.
My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young and virile and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
My Husband Left Me This Note:
To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.
When he came home late that night, he found the following letter.
My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young and virile and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
normagene
New member
She can come over my place anytime.
I've got a Chain-Hoist she might like............................................... JP
P.S.
She can get Her Freak on with that !
That's Funny as Hell, and I see these People any time I take either the Ell or the Broad Street Subway................... JP
P.S.S.
The Ell is our Elevated Subway Line, but it also goes under ground through Center City Philly.
normagene
New member
Death in the Baker Community. You all know him, and will miss him.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not regarded as a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and served as a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 min.
If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday in Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not regarded as a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and served as a positive roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 min.
If you smiled while reading this, please rise to the occasion and pass it on to someone having a crumby day and kneading a lift.
OK, I've seen these People out my way.
1st Picture - Guy that doesn't know what to do with the Kid.
2nd Picture - Guy getting a Handful from a Somewhat Shy Girlfriend.
3rd Picture - A Tranny going to Work.
suraonyx23
New Member
Those are some great pics normagene
Warrior Saint
New member
No fucking way...that has to be photoshoppped.....
normagene
New member
Of course it's FAKE. Otherwise the "I" in "air" would be on the board.
Could you Imagine if a This Picture made it to The Main Stream Media, and they Posted it.......................... JP
P.S.
The U.S. - Never
The U.K. - Maybe
This... yup
Holy Fuck, now that's Scary, for Obvious Reasons, if you're into Oral............................... JP
normagene
New member
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