Alright , I have been asked/recommended to by Vanlife_gymbum to start a log on my life and the journey I am on and have been on , alot of life has happened so it's hard to narrow it down to put in a post but heres my effort haha, I guess I'll start with my stats:
Age 35
Weight 71kg
Recovering meth , alcohol addict (15 years)
Carnivore
Faster
178cm tall
BF - around 13-15% I think (unsure)
Live in New Zealand
Training - Monday, Wednesday, Saturday
QUICK-ISH LIFE RUN DOWN
Ok this is where it's hard to know where to start lol. I have trained on and off from the ages of 15-24, nothing ever very structured, But I have also been a severe drug and alcohol addict since the age of 18, particularly Meth and spirits (whisky and bourbon).
Sorry this may seem like a long-ish description but it's sorta necessary to be able to explain my (what I think is low testosterone symptoms).
RELATIONSHIPS
So all through my 20s I was in a 9 year relationship, which who I bought a house with when I was 27 with who I thought was the love of my life. Around when I bought the house me and my ex partner started seriously thinking and wondering why she has never become pregnant. Was a random thought at the time coz we both had never talked about it but we sorta both clicked at the same time and both thought it was weird.
So I always hid my severe drug use from my partner, I was a full time mechanic, still held a solid job even with drug use I was very functional even tho I very rarely slept, and was still able to hide it very well.
Back to the pregnancy issue, In my head I put it down to my drug and alcohol use, but we went to family planning and I had to jizz in a cup and long story short , I'm infertile, well around 90% infertile.
When I was younger (4 years old) I had a undescended testicle (my right one) , 4 years old is very late for my mother to have noticed, they told me that this is more then likely the cause for very low sperm quality.
Then in my late 20s I got a hernia deep in my abdomen somewhere, which was causing stomach fluid to drain in to (my left one) which over a year made it swell up to 2-3x the size of my right one, ended up having to get my BALL cut open and them put mesh into it to stop the fluid draining into it. These two surgeries I'm blaming for my life long low testosterone symptoms, and obviously my infertility...
Back to that relationship....
Long story short, 3 months after I find out I only have a 5-10% chance of having a kid , I get home from work one day and my partner tells me she's pregnant... remember I'm on meth constantly so at the time I was dumb and just believed it must of been mine, we had been together 8 years at this point.
At 8 months pregnant someone finally had the balls to tell me that the child is not mine, it fukn broke my heart.
She admitted everything, promised me this and that etc told me the *dad* (who was a mate of mine) didn't know it was his , didn't want anything to do with it blah blah blah, so being in my position, being infertile, and quite frankly Fukn stupid, I took the baby on as my own but honestly it felt like the right thing to do atm, I have a heart of gold honestly but I get taken advantage of.
I went to the birth, gave her my last name, I WAS THE DAD (in my eyes) told everyone she was mine etc etc, even tho we all knew she wasn't.
So I was the dad for 2 years , I did everything for that girl I fukn loved her with all my heart, it definitely lowered my drug and alcohol abuse, I was dedicated to her, I get home from work one day to my partners things, child's things packed and gone with a note saying she's left me for the (father) because the whole time she was hiding from me that he did actually want something to do with his daughter and he was threatening to go to court etc etc and she thought it was going to be too hard to deal with.
So all of that fukd me up REAL BAD, My meth and alcohol abuse got severe, I lost 2 jobs over it, started selling meth, so much happened. I was around 30 years old here.
2nd relationship
So now I'm 32 in the height of my drug and alcohol abuse, job less, (still own my house, had to buy my ex out of it after what she did to me - $90,000) that hurt, but I get into this relationship, obviously she's a meth addict too and I'm with her 2.5 years, I start doing out the gate shit to get money for meth and food etc and end up in jail the 1st time, only for one month.
Get out of jail on the bracelet, still smoking meth and drinking everyday, constantly fighting with my partner, end up having a fight with her and she goes and stays with her female mate 20min up the road from my house. I'm still on the bracelet at this point, long story short she was supposed to be coming back to my house this night but she kept making excuses until around 2am in the morning I knew something wasn't right. After what happened with my last partner my *cheating* senses are fukn high. I left my house (on the bracelet) which was 24/7 house arrest, went to where she was staying, seen a dudes car out the front, emotional black out happened, heightened by meth and alcohol, smashed the door in and walk in on them fucking. I lost control threw a bottle at her and pulled a knife on him, didnt use it, not proud of bottling her, she only got a bruised leg, but what ever that fukn broke me, he was a meth dealer and obviously I couldn't supply her enough....
So I get arrested and get charged with, breaching my bracelet, assault with a weapon, assault on family relations, possession of offensive weapon, unlawfully enters property and get thrown in prison for 3 months.
So that was at the end of June which actually marks the start of my sobriety.
Iv been out of jail for 2 months. I started doing 1000 press ups throughout the days in jail and pretty much starved my self in there. I went in weighing 85kg and came out at 74kg.
At the moment I am still on electronically monitored bail, with sentencing next week.
When I got out I was hooked on training and stuck to a keto based diet to give me some discipline.
I am now carnivore and have been for 2 months now.
I worked hard trying to get a gym condition while on the bracelet and the courts approved it and iv been going to the gym now for a month. They only approved 3 days a week, Monday Wednesday and Saturday. I'm very fukn consistent with my diet and the gym.
I'm loosing my house and I'm not even aloud to go there coz (it's to close to the victim) but I don't even care I'm doing really fukn well where I am I have honestly never felt better!!!
Um where to go from here....
Pretty much I'm 100% sure my testosterone is almost non existent, from years old drugs an alcohol, minimal sleep for 15 years, and obviously the 2 nut surgerys. Its very hard to get blood tests while being on 24/7 house arrest but I think it's pointless and it's obvious my testosterone Is low, I havnt had a hard on in over 6 months. Never wake up with a boner.
So I have ordered myself a bottle of testosterone enanthate from life_forge and hopefully it turns up today.
with our a word of a lie I listen to evolutionary.org podcasts on Spotify ALL DAY EVERYDAY at the moment, I think iv listened to around 70% of all of them. There's so many cycles that stevesmi and mobster have mentioned that I would love to try but I think with my situation and my symptoms I'm just going to stick with testosterone for 12 weeks for my first cycle.
Cycle plan
Testosterone enanthate 500mg a week
Arimidex on hand
Then I plan on TRT afterwards, I do hate that but iv come to the conclusion I need it. I'm already infertile and have definite low test symptoms.
Diet and fasting
I at the moment for the last 3 weeks have been water fasting every other day
So I'm very consistent with my carnivore diet too, on my feeding day I don't count calories but I generally stick to 10-15 pasture raised eggs a day, 500-800grams rump steak a day, 500grams chicken breast a day and only drink salted water and a quality electrolyte drink.
What I plan on getting out of this....
So I'm trying to Recomp, I want to get up to 78kg (71kg now) and I wanna get below 10% body fat.
Let me know what u guys think. I'll post up some pictures after this post coz I'm terrified I'm going to press something wrong and loose this entire post lol
Thanks fellas I love this forum