Recovery Journal Sobriety Journal: An Alcoholic's Journey

[3xCharm]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

 

[Mobster]

Part 2 when you're ready.

You WILL get the support from the community here. Many have, even myself, several elements of your journey in theirs too

 

[3xCharm]

(Sorry guys, this is the cleaned up version, can one of the mods replace it, also the tital should be Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy, I am doing a story/journal of my life fighting for sobriety. This could be all over the place, but I’ll do my best.

The best way to start, I think, is exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting. I learnt from international members of Alcoholics Anonymous that they don’t actually call it an ID meeting, they call it Identification, but in Australia we refer to it as an ID meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14. A lot of people in AA say their first drink helped them get out of their skin, gave them confidence, reduced anxiety, gave them “Dutch courage” to speak to girls, etc. I never had this problem. I was a highly confident kid. I made friends easily and even though I had to “run around the shower to get wet” (meaning I was so skinny I’d have to move around to catch the water, not literally), girls were no issue.

My first girlfriend was 16 when I was 14, she taught me a thing or too and I also pulled one of the hottest girls in my school, a Japanese exchange student, when I was 16 and she was 19. I’m not gloating or boasting, I’m just trying to show that socially I had a lot going for me.

The drinking was all just fun. This was 24 years ago, when I was 14, and I still remember that $20 was a night out. I’d go three ways in a slab (24 beers, maybe called a carton where you’re from) and spend $10 on a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes were already expensive back then due to taxes and now cost about $60 AUD for a legit pack at 7/11. So it was 8 beers, a pack of smokes, head down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16. I grew up wealthy. My father had a really good run in his trucking business. Later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck that he got as far as he did.

From Year 7 to Year 10 in high school (for international friends, we don’t have elementary/junior/high school, just primary and secondary), I never applied myself. I didn’t do any work. School was just somewhere to go and dick around with mates. Every year the school would say, “We know you’re smart enough but you don’t apply yourself,” and then they’d bump me up anyway.

By the end of Year 10 they turned around to me and some mates and said, “You can apply for Year 11 but we won’t be processing the paperwork,” which effectively kicked us out of the school. I moved to a technical school that only services Years 10, 11 and 12. I was a new fish in a big pond and didn’t know anyone. Around the same time, the Japanese exchange student I was head over heels in love with dumped me, which pathetically took me until I was about 21 to fully get over.

At this point my confidence really started to drop off. No longer “rich”, Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, new people. I went from outgoing and able to talk to anyone to, year by year, becoming more and more of a social retard. That didn’t happen overnight, it took about nine years to turn into full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties. Ecstasy was huge in Australia at the time and I fucking loved it. I adored ecstasy. SOOOOO much fun was had on that drug. From 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me. Every weekend I’d smash as many as I could afford along with heavy drinking. I’d blow my entire pay cheque partying, feel like death until Wednesday, then the pay cheque would come in and I’d do it all over again.

Remember the pathetic Japanese sheila part? That led to a massive dry spell. I didn’t have sex again that I didn’t pay for until I was about 23. That’s seven years between roots (roots = fucking) without money attached to it. I was ashamed of it and told myself, “I’m young and I’m throwing my formative years away.” I built up the courage to go to a party, met a woman a couple of years older than me, fucked her that night in the pool room, got her number and pursued her, and then fell head over heels in love again.


She was with me as a rebound. It didn’t work out. The upside was I’d been going to the gym since 18 and had made some decent but moderate gains. That heartache filled me with fury and I smashed the gym and got into the best shape I’d ever been in.

Then I met another woman, one who changed my life irrevocably. She was a single mum and someone I knew in high school (we hated each other back then). Here I was at 23, getting into a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter (platonically of course)

The problem, besides dating a single mum, was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off so many times but she would use her daughter against me and I’d stay. Bit by bit, unacceptable became acceptable. I entered white trash type living. She basically shook me down for money. After two years she said, “I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, I’m going to start going out more,” and she did. Every weekend.

So here I am at home with HER five-year-old daughter. I still had mates over to drink and party, but I basically became her babysitter. Sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back. This went on for about four months. By the end, we weren’t even really in a relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine. Fuck, it sounds pathetic looking back.

Funny thing is, back then you got child payments from the government until the kid turned eight. Almost perfectly timed, she parties for four months and then tells me she’s three months pregnant. Did the math. Alarm bells were going off in my head: the kid ain’t mine.

After this long arse prologue, this is where the drinking really ramped up. From 18 to 25 I was drinking almost every day. Usually about six beers a night. I was still going to the gym. My mindset was, “I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have a few beers after work.”


But once the pregnancy thing happened, I started writing myself off more and more. The shame of the whole thing is obviously what drove it.
Six months later my son was born. I secretly did a mouth swab DNA test and his genes and mine were a match. He was mine. We never fully got back together. I’d stay a couple of nights a week at hers, she’d stay a couple of nights at mine. I’d fuck her from time to time, but the main thing was being in my son’s life. I still loved his older half-sister.


Over time the relationship got more toxic. My son’s behaviour was off and she was constantly calling me when I wasn’t with him saying he was out of control. When my son was about 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said, “I can’t do this, I can’t handle him, he needs to live with you.” At that point our relationship went from quasi-couple to non-existent and he moved in with me full time. There was clearly something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with autism at three years old.

As time went on she saw less and less of him. It went from a couple of nights, to one night, to no nights but a few hours, then once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months, and eventually not at all. His sister was still coming over and I was working on the other side of the city and had to put him in childcare at 7am and pick him up at 6pm. I work longish hours and always have.


When I applied for childcare assistance, his mother rang me furious and said, “Why did you tell welfare our son doesn’t live with me anymore?” I hadn’t, but I had called them for help with childcare. This stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments.


At that point I was living with my mum to help with my son, and I decided I needed a holiday. I took a trip to the UK with a stopover in Dubai. I met a Filipina working there as a maid and spent a few days with her. We stayed in contact. I flew back to see her a few times. Eventually she came to Australia to visit me and within 12 months, for visa reasons, we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavily but still thought I was in control. My son was with me full time and his sister was still visiting, but she started becoming rude to my new partner. When I raised it with her mother she just shrugged it off. I eventually worked out she was telling her daughter to be a shit to my wife. I had to make a choice, a fucking horrible choice that still haunts me to this day. I had to cut off his sister. A little girl with no father in her life and I was the closest thing she had to one.

IAt this point I was drinking a lot. I don’t know why, life was going reasonably well, it just escalated. The stress of my son’s autism didn’t help, the stress of dealing with his mother didn’t help, and dumping that poor kid didn’t help either, but overall life was okay. Somehow the drinking turned into ten cans a night. Come Friday night it was on for young and old. I’d drink all night Friday, wake up Saturday and crack a can, drink all day and night, repeat Sunday, then feel like death on Monday at work.

I was making good money and we were regularly visiting the Philippines, which was a party every time. I’d drink with family and people from the village. Everyone wanted me to come into their shit shacks and have a beer. I was basically drunk all the time when I wasn’t working, and then I started drinking at work too. It got out of control fast. My wife was constantly questioning my drinking and telling me I needed to slow down.

Eventually I was exhausted. My marriage was suffering. We had a baby girl who needed a stable dad and a son with autism who was doing well but needed extra attention, so I asked to go to rehab. I went to a 28-day facility. I attended Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous (because other inmates had those issues), and Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t see the value in it.


I got out and stayed sober for six weeks. Then I picked up again. My wife was fucking furious. I begged the facility to take me back and they did. This time I listened. I did what they told me to do. When I got out, I did the suggested 90 in 90 (90 meetings in 90 days), then kept attending AA three to four times a week. I managed to stay sober for 18 months. Life was going too good. I wasn’t lying to my wife anymore. I was happy. Work was good. I had a side business owning three trucks working within the company I was employed by.

Meetings started to drop off. Two a week. Then one a week. Then one every two weeks. Then nothing, Guess what happened?

I picked up again....

For the next 18 months I became a professional at hiding my drinking. I went to extreme lengths. Every two or three months I’d get busted, either by my wife or my son would dob me in. That took its toll. I tried limits. I tried rules. I tried only drinking on certain days. My wife works nights, so the three nights she was home I’d stay sober and struggle, then as soon as she went to work I’d drink.

It all came to a head six weeks ago when she busted me again. Then a week later my son told her I’d been drinking. She gave me the ultimatum: “If you can’t fix this, I’m leaving.”

I’m not violent or abusive when I drink, but I constantly drink drive. Touch wood I’ve never been caught, but she’d had enough. Enough lies, enough passing out, enough not being present for the family.

I’d read an article saying alcoholics had some success with Ozempic. I’d been gaining about 1kg a year and ballooned to 115kg at 6’ tall, so in my head it was a win/win. Lose weight and stop drinking. There is some truth to it, you can’t drink as much without feeling sick, but if you really want to drink you’ll just force it down and fight the urge to throw up. I did exactly that. It didn’t work.

Earlier in the year we’d planned a holiday and it was all paid for. Three months out I told myself I’d get into shape and stop drinking. It didn’t happen.... I was even taking PEDs and planning to go to the gym to jump-start things, but wasn’t actually going. Out of desperation, one more time, I asked to go back to rehab. This rehab was run by a senior amateur boxer who holds a couple of titles. Every morning was boxing and cardio, every afternoon was gym.

I got out. I kept boxing. I kept going to the gym. I did have one bust, but I went straight back to meetings and didn’t stop doing the work.


As of today, I am 14 days sober.


I’m doing things differently this time. I have a sponsor (I never did before). Strangely enough, he’s in Ottawa — @HarleyGuy. I check in with him several times a day and he’s been amazing.


I attend meetings every day. I’m fitter, stronger, healthier, and most importantly, sober.

Thank you for reading my long arse post. I hope to continue posting nothing but good things in this thread. Thanks to @LevButlerov, @HarleyGuy, and @ZenithHealth for all the support and kind words and well wishes from the EVO community.


Thank you for caring.

 

[HarleyGuy]

(Sorry guys, this is the cleaned up version, can one of the mods replace it, also the tital should be Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy, I am doing a story/journal of my life fighting for sobriety. This could be all over the place, but I’ll do my best.

The best way to start, I think, is exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting. I learnt from international members of Alcoholics Anonymous that they don’t actually call it an ID meeting, they call it Identification, but in Australia we refer to it as an ID meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14. A lot of people in AA say their first drink helped them get out of their skin, gave them confidence, reduced anxiety, gave them “Dutch courage” to speak to girls, etc. I never had this problem. I was a highly confident kid. I made friends easily and even though I had to “run around the shower to get wet” (meaning I was so skinny I’d have to move around to catch the water, not literally), girls were no issue.

My first girlfriend was 16 when I was 14, she taught me a thing or too and I also pulled one of the hottest girls in my school, a Japanese exchange student, when I was 16 and she was 19. I’m not gloating or boasting, I’m just trying to show that socially I had a lot going for me.

The drinking was all just fun. This was 24 years ago, when I was 14, and I still remember that $20 was a night out. I’d go three ways in a slab (24 beers, maybe called a carton where you’re from) and spend $10 on a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes were already expensive back then due to taxes and now cost about $60 AUD for a legit pack at 7/11. So it was 8 beers, a pack of smokes, head down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16. I grew up wealthy. My father had a really good run in his trucking business. Later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck that he got as far as he did.

From Year 7 to Year 10 in high school (for international friends, we don’t have elementary/junior/high school, just primary and secondary), I never applied myself. I didn’t do any work. School was just somewhere to go and dick around with mates. Every year the school would say, “We know you’re smart enough but you don’t apply yourself,” and then they’d bump me up anyway.

By the end of Year 10 they turned around to me and some mates and said, “You can apply for Year 11 but we won’t be processing the paperwork,” which effectively kicked us out of the school. I moved to a technical school that only services Years 10, 11 and 12. I was a new fish in a big pond and didn’t know anyone. Around the same time, the Japanese exchange student I was head over heels in love with dumped me, which pathetically took me until I was about 21 to fully get over.

At this point my confidence really started to drop off. No longer “rich”, Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, new people. I went from outgoing and able to talk to anyone to, year by year, becoming more and more of a social retard. That didn’t happen overnight, it took about nine years to turn into full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties. Ecstasy was huge in Australia at the time and I fucking loved it. I adored ecstasy. SOOOOO much fun was had on that drug. From 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me. Every weekend I’d smash as many as I could afford along with heavy drinking. I’d blow my entire pay cheque partying, feel like death until Wednesday, then the pay cheque would come in and I’d do it all over again.

Remember the pathetic Japanese sheila part? That led to a massive dry spell. I didn’t have sex again that I didn’t pay for until I was about 23. That’s seven years between roots (roots = fucking) without money attached to it. I was ashamed of it and told myself, “I’m young and I’m throwing my formative years away.” I built up the courage to go to a party, met a woman a couple of years older than me, fucked her that night in the pool room, got her number and pursued her, and then fell head over heels in love again.


She was with me as a rebound. It didn’t work out. The upside was I’d been going to the gym since 18 and had made some decent but moderate gains. That heartache filled me with fury and I smashed the gym and got into the best shape I’d ever been in.

Then I met another woman, one who changed my life irrevocably. She was a single mum and someone I knew in high school (we hated each other back then). Here I was at 23, getting into a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter (platonically of course)

The problem, besides dating a single mum, was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off so many times but she would use her daughter against me and I’d stay. Bit by bit, unacceptable became acceptable. I entered white trash type living. She basically shook me down for money. After two years she said, “I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, I’m going to start going out more,” and she did. Every weekend.

So here I am at home with HER five-year-old daughter. I still had mates over to drink and party, but I basically became her babysitter. Sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back. This went on for about four months. By the end, we weren’t even really in a relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine. Fuck, it sounds pathetic looking back.

Funny thing is, back then you got child payments from the government until the kid turned eight. Almost perfectly timed, she parties for four months and then tells me she’s three months pregnant. Did the math. Alarm bells were going off in my head: the kid ain’t mine.

After this long arse prologue, this is where the drinking really ramped up. From 18 to 25 I was drinking almost every day. Usually about six beers a night. I was still going to the gym. My mindset was, “I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have a few beers after work.”


But once the pregnancy thing happened, I started writing myself off more and more. The shame of the whole thing is obviously what drove it.
Six months later my son was born. I secretly did a mouth swab DNA test and his genes and mine were a match. He was mine. We never fully got back together. I’d stay a couple of nights a week at hers, she’d stay a couple of nights at mine. I’d fuck her from time to time, but the main thing was being in my son’s life. I still loved his older half-sister.


Over time the relationship got more toxic. My son’s behaviour was off and she was constantly calling me when I wasn’t with him saying he was out of control. When my son was about 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said, “I can’t do this, I can’t handle him, he needs to live with you.” At that point our relationship went from quasi-couple to non-existent and he moved in with me full time. There was clearly something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with autism at three years old.

As time went on she saw less and less of him. It went from a couple of nights, to one night, to no nights but a few hours, then once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months, and eventually not at all. His sister was still coming over and I was working on the other side of the city and had to put him in childcare at 7am and pick him up at 6pm. I work longish hours and always have.


When I applied for childcare assistance, his mother rang me furious and said, “Why did you tell welfare our son doesn’t live with me anymore?” I hadn’t, but I had called them for help with childcare. This stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments.


At that point I was living with my mum to help with my son, and I decided I needed a holiday. I took a trip to the UK with a stopover in Dubai. I met a Filipina working there as a maid and spent a few days with her. We stayed in contact. I flew back to see her a few times. Eventually she came to Australia to visit me and within 12 months, for visa reasons, we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavily but still thought I was in control. My son was with me full time and his sister was still visiting, but she started becoming rude to my new partner. When I raised it with her mother she just shrugged it off. I eventually worked out she was telling her daughter to be a shit to my wife. I had to make a choice, a fucking horrible choice that still haunts me to this day. I had to cut off his sister. A little girl with no father in her life and I was the closest thing she had to one.

IAt this point I was drinking a lot. I don’t know why, life was going reasonably well, it just escalated. The stress of my son’s autism didn’t help, the stress of dealing with his mother didn’t help, and dumping that poor kid didn’t help either, but overall life was okay. Somehow the drinking turned into ten cans a night. Come Friday night it was on for young and old. I’d drink all night Friday, wake up Saturday and crack a can, drink all day and night, repeat Sunday, then feel like death on Monday at work.

I was making good money and we were regularly visiting the Philippines, which was a party every time. I’d drink with family and people from the village. Everyone wanted me to come into their shit shacks and have a beer. I was basically drunk all the time when I wasn’t working, and then I started drinking at work too. It got out of control fast. My wife was constantly questioning my drinking and telling me I needed to slow down.

Eventually I was exhausted. My marriage was suffering. We had a baby girl who needed a stable dad and a son with autism who was doing well but needed extra attention, so I asked to go to rehab. I went to a 28-day facility. I attended Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous (because other inmates had those issues), and Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t see the value in it.


I got out and stayed sober for six weeks. Then I picked up again. My wife was fucking furious. I begged the facility to take me back and they did. This time I listened. I did what they told me to do. When I got out, I did the suggested 90 in 90 (90 meetings in 90 days), then kept attending AA three to four times a week. I managed to stay sober for 18 months. Life was going too good. I wasn’t lying to my wife anymore. I was happy. Work was good. I had a side business owning three trucks working within the company I was employed by.

Meetings started to drop off. Two a week. Then one a week. Then one every two weeks. Then nothing, Guess what happened?

I picked up again....

For the next 18 months I became a professional at hiding my drinking. I went to extreme lengths. Every two or three months I’d get busted, either by my wife or my son would dob me in. That took its toll. I tried limits. I tried rules. I tried only drinking on certain days. My wife works nights, so the three nights she was home I’d stay sober and struggle, then as soon as she went to work I’d drink.

It all came to a head six weeks ago when she busted me again. Then a week later my son told her I’d been drinking. She gave me the ultimatum: “If you can’t fix this, I’m leaving.”

I’m not violent or abusive when I drink, but I constantly drink drive. Touch wood I’ve never been caught, but she’d had enough. Enough lies, enough passing out, enough not being present for the family.

I’d read an article saying alcoholics had some success with Ozempic. I’d been gaining about 1kg a year and ballooned to 115kg at 6’ tall, so in my head it was a win/win. Lose weight and stop drinking. There is some truth to it, you can’t drink as much without feeling sick, but if you really want to drink you’ll just force it down and fight the urge to throw up. I did exactly that. It didn’t work.

Earlier in the year we’d planned a holiday and it was all paid for. Three months out I told myself I’d get into shape and stop drinking. It didn’t happen.... I was even taking PEDs and planning to go to the gym to jump-start things, but wasn’t actually going. Out of desperation, one more time, I asked to go back to rehab. This rehab was run by a senior amateur boxer who holds a couple of titles. Every morning was boxing and cardio, every afternoon was gym.

I got out. I kept boxing. I kept going to the gym. I did have one bust, but I went straight back to meetings and didn’t stop doing the work.


As of today, I am 14 days sober.


I’m doing things differently this time. I have a sponsor (I never did before). Strangely enough, he’s in Ottawa — @HarleyGuy. I check in with him several times a day and he’s been amazing.


I attend meetings every day. I’m fitter, stronger, healthier, and most importantly, sober.

Thank you for reading my long arse post. I hope to continue posting nothing but good things in this thread. Thanks to @LevButlerov, @HarleyGuy, and @ZenithHealth for all the support and kind words and well wishes from the EVO community.


Thank you for caring.

most importantly, sober.

This is our only job right now my brother, the rest are details. Get some sleep now and we'll hit a meeting in your morning. It's 2am where you are so great effort tonight but sleep is important. Remember PAWS.

Thank you for caring.

We really do care, we don't need to be "in person" to love and care for each other here on EVO.

 

[Pigsy]

Thank you for posting this in great detail. Ive been sober since 2016. And here to support you in you sobriety. EVO family love

 

[Allupfromhere]

Changing your life while battling alcohol takes real courage. Not the loud kind the quiet kind that shows up every day when no one’s watching.
You’re not weak because this is hard. It’s hard because you’re doing something powerful. Every day you choose not to drink, or even every moment you pause and choose differently, you’re proving you’re stronger than the habit that tried to own you.
Your past doesn’t disqualify you from a better future. It trained you. It showed you what you don’t want anymore and the fact you’re still here, still trying, says there’s a part of you that refuses to give up that part deserves to win.
Progress isn’t perfection. Some days will feel solid, others will feel shaky. Neither erases the work you’ve already done. Keep showing up. Keep asking for help when you need it. That’s not failure that’s leadership over your own life.
You’re rebuilding trust with yourself one decision at a time. And that’s how real change sticks. One day you’ll look back and realise this fight became the moment everything turned around.

Lets fucking go brother

 

[Pigsy]

Changing your life while battling alcohol takes real courage. Not the loud kind the quiet kind that shows up every day when no one’s watching.
You’re not weak because this is hard. It’s hard because you’re doing something powerful. Every day you choose not to drink, or even every moment you pause and choose differently, you’re proving you’re stronger than the habit that tried to own you.
Your past doesn’t disqualify you from a better future. It trained you. It showed you what you don’t want anymore and the fact you’re still here, still trying, says there’s a part of you that refuses to give up that part deserves to win.
Progress isn’t perfection. Some days will feel solid, others will feel shaky. Neither erases the work you’ve already done. Keep showing up. Keep asking for help when you need it. That’s not failure that’s leadership over your own life.
You’re rebuilding trust with yourself one decision at a time. And that’s how real change sticks. One day you’ll look back and realise this fight became the moment everything turned around.

Lets fucking go brother

My life has improved so much since kicking the booze. Also brought me here to EVO Family

 

[ZenithHealth]

Brother this is powerful stuff, and I respect the honesty big time. You’ve been through some heavy chapters and it makes total sense how the drinking slowly went from “just beers after work” to something darker.

keep doing exactly this: keep writing it out, keep showing up, and keep stacking the simple wins: sleep, steps/training, food structure, hydration. The physical side won’t fix everything, but it gives you momentum and a head that’s easier to live in.
Proud of you for starting this journal mate.

 

[Pigsy]

Brother this is powerful stuff, and I respect the honesty big time. You’ve been through some heavy chapters and it makes total sense how the drinking slowly went from “just beers after work” to something darker.

keep doing exactly this: keep writing it out, keep showing up, and keep stacking the simple wins: sleep, steps/training, food structure, hydration. The physical side won’t fix everything, but it gives you momentum and a head that’s easier to live in.
Proud of you for starting this journal mate.

Well said brother

 

[Eddie Haskell]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

(Sorry guys, this is the cleaned up version, can one of the mods replace it, also the tital should be Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy, I am doing a story/journal of my life fighting for sobriety. This could be all over the place, but I’ll do my best.

The best way to start, I think, is exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting. I learnt from international members of Alcoholics Anonymous that they don’t actually call it an ID meeting, they call it Identification, but in Australia we refer to it as an ID meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14. A lot of people in AA say their first drink helped them get out of their skin, gave them confidence, reduced anxiety, gave them “Dutch courage” to speak to girls, etc. I never had this problem. I was a highly confident kid. I made friends easily and even though I had to “run around the shower to get wet” (meaning I was so skinny I’d have to move around to catch the water, not literally), girls were no issue.

My first girlfriend was 16 when I was 14, she taught me a thing or too and I also pulled one of the hottest girls in my school, a Japanese exchange student, when I was 16 and she was 19. I’m not gloating or boasting, I’m just trying to show that socially I had a lot going for me.

The drinking was all just fun. This was 24 years ago, when I was 14, and I still remember that $20 was a night out. I’d go three ways in a slab (24 beers, maybe called a carton where you’re from) and spend $10 on a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes were already expensive back then due to taxes and now cost about $60 AUD for a legit pack at 7/11. So it was 8 beers, a pack of smokes, head down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16. I grew up wealthy. My father had a really good run in his trucking business. Later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck that he got as far as he did.

From Year 7 to Year 10 in high school (for international friends, we don’t have elementary/junior/high school, just primary and secondary), I never applied myself. I didn’t do any work. School was just somewhere to go and dick around with mates. Every year the school would say, “We know you’re smart enough but you don’t apply yourself,” and then they’d bump me up anyway.

By the end of Year 10 they turned around to me and some mates and said, “You can apply for Year 11 but we won’t be processing the paperwork,” which effectively kicked us out of the school. I moved to a technical school that only services Years 10, 11 and 12. I was a new fish in a big pond and didn’t know anyone. Around the same time, the Japanese exchange student I was head over heels in love with dumped me, which pathetically took me until I was about 21 to fully get over.

At this point my confidence really started to drop off. No longer “rich”, Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, new people. I went from outgoing and able to talk to anyone to, year by year, becoming more and more of a social retard. That didn’t happen overnight, it took about nine years to turn into full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties. Ecstasy was huge in Australia at the time and I fucking loved it. I adored ecstasy. SOOOOO much fun was had on that drug. From 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me. Every weekend I’d smash as many as I could afford along with heavy drinking. I’d blow my entire pay cheque partying, feel like death until Wednesday, then the pay cheque would come in and I’d do it all over again.

Remember the pathetic Japanese sheila part? That led to a massive dry spell. I didn’t have sex again that I didn’t pay for until I was about 23. That’s seven years between roots (roots = fucking) without money attached to it. I was ashamed of it and told myself, “I’m young and I’m throwing my formative years away.” I built up the courage to go to a party, met a woman a couple of years older than me, fucked her that night in the pool room, got her number and pursued her, and then fell head over heels in love again.


She was with me as a rebound. It didn’t work out. The upside was I’d been going to the gym since 18 and had made some decent but moderate gains. That heartache filled me with fury and I smashed the gym and got into the best shape I’d ever been in.

Then I met another woman, one who changed my life irrevocably. She was a single mum and someone I knew in high school (we hated each other back then). Here I was at 23, getting into a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter (platonically of course)

The problem, besides dating a single mum, was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off so many times but she would use her daughter against me and I’d stay. Bit by bit, unacceptable became acceptable. I entered white trash type living. She basically shook me down for money. After two years she said, “I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, I’m going to start going out more,” and she did. Every weekend.

So here I am at home with HER five-year-old daughter. I still had mates over to drink and party, but I basically became her babysitter. Sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back. This went on for about four months. By the end, we weren’t even really in a relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine. Fuck, it sounds pathetic looking back.

Funny thing is, back then you got child payments from the government until the kid turned eight. Almost perfectly timed, she parties for four months and then tells me she’s three months pregnant. Did the math. Alarm bells were going off in my head: the kid ain’t mine.

After this long arse prologue, this is where the drinking really ramped up. From 18 to 25 I was drinking almost every day. Usually about six beers a night. I was still going to the gym. My mindset was, “I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have a few beers after work.”


But once the pregnancy thing happened, I started writing myself off more and more. The shame of the whole thing is obviously what drove it.
Six months later my son was born. I secretly did a mouth swab DNA test and his genes and mine were a match. He was mine. We never fully got back together. I’d stay a couple of nights a week at hers, she’d stay a couple of nights at mine. I’d fuck her from time to time, but the main thing was being in my son’s life. I still loved his older half-sister.


Over time the relationship got more toxic. My son’s behaviour was off and she was constantly calling me when I wasn’t with him saying he was out of control. When my son was about 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said, “I can’t do this, I can’t handle him, he needs to live with you.” At that point our relationship went from quasi-couple to non-existent and he moved in with me full time. There was clearly something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with autism at three years old.

As time went on she saw less and less of him. It went from a couple of nights, to one night, to no nights but a few hours, then once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months, and eventually not at all. His sister was still coming over and I was working on the other side of the city and had to put him in childcare at 7am and pick him up at 6pm. I work longish hours and always have.


When I applied for childcare assistance, his mother rang me furious and said, “Why did you tell welfare our son doesn’t live with me anymore?” I hadn’t, but I had called them for help with childcare. This stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments.


At that point I was living with my mum to help with my son, and I decided I needed a holiday. I took a trip to the UK with a stopover in Dubai. I met a Filipina working there as a maid and spent a few days with her. We stayed in contact. I flew back to see her a few times. Eventually she came to Australia to visit me and within 12 months, for visa reasons, we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavily but still thought I was in control. My son was with me full time and his sister was still visiting, but she started becoming rude to my new partner. When I raised it with her mother she just shrugged it off. I eventually worked out she was telling her daughter to be a shit to my wife. I had to make a choice, a fucking horrible choice that still haunts me to this day. I had to cut off his sister. A little girl with no father in her life and I was the closest thing she had to one.

IAt this point I was drinking a lot. I don’t know why, life was going reasonably well, it just escalated. The stress of my son’s autism didn’t help, the stress of dealing with his mother didn’t help, and dumping that poor kid didn’t help either, but overall life was okay. Somehow the drinking turned into ten cans a night. Come Friday night it was on for young and old. I’d drink all night Friday, wake up Saturday and crack a can, drink all day and night, repeat Sunday, then feel like death on Monday at work.

I was making good money and we were regularly visiting the Philippines, which was a party every time. I’d drink with family and people from the village. Everyone wanted me to come into their shit shacks and have a beer. I was basically drunk all the time when I wasn’t working, and then I started drinking at work too. It got out of control fast. My wife was constantly questioning my drinking and telling me I needed to slow down.

Eventually I was exhausted. My marriage was suffering. We had a baby girl who needed a stable dad and a son with autism who was doing well but needed extra attention, so I asked to go to rehab. I went to a 28-day facility. I attended Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous (because other inmates had those issues), and Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t see the value in it.


I got out and stayed sober for six weeks. Then I picked up again. My wife was fucking furious. I begged the facility to take me back and they did. This time I listened. I did what they told me to do. When I got out, I did the suggested 90 in 90 (90 meetings in 90 days), then kept attending AA three to four times a week. I managed to stay sober for 18 months. Life was going too good. I wasn’t lying to my wife anymore. I was happy. Work was good. I had a side business owning three trucks working within the company I was employed by.

Meetings started to drop off. Two a week. Then one a week. Then one every two weeks. Then nothing, Guess what happened?

I picked up again....

For the next 18 months I became a professional at hiding my drinking. I went to extreme lengths. Every two or three months I’d get busted, either by my wife or my son would dob me in. That took its toll. I tried limits. I tried rules. I tried only drinking on certain days. My wife works nights, so the three nights she was home I’d stay sober and struggle, then as soon as she went to work I’d drink.

It all came to a head six weeks ago when she busted me again. Then a week later my son told her I’d been drinking. She gave me the ultimatum: “If you can’t fix this, I’m leaving.”

I’m not violent or abusive when I drink, but I constantly drink drive. Touch wood I’ve never been caught, but she’d had enough. Enough lies, enough passing out, enough not being present for the family.

I’d read an article saying alcoholics had some success with Ozempic. I’d been gaining about 1kg a year and ballooned to 115kg at 6’ tall, so in my head it was a win/win. Lose weight and stop drinking. There is some truth to it, you can’t drink as much without feeling sick, but if you really want to drink you’ll just force it down and fight the urge to throw up. I did exactly that. It didn’t work.

Earlier in the year we’d planned a holiday and it was all paid for. Three months out I told myself I’d get into shape and stop drinking. It didn’t happen.... I was even taking PEDs and planning to go to the gym to jump-start things, but wasn’t actually going. Out of desperation, one more time, I asked to go back to rehab. This rehab was run by a senior amateur boxer who holds a couple of titles. Every morning was boxing and cardio, every afternoon was gym.

I got out. I kept boxing. I kept going to the gym. I did have one bust, but I went straight back to meetings and didn’t stop doing the work.


As of today, I am 14 days sober.


I’m doing things differently this time. I have a sponsor (I never did before). Strangely enough, he’s in Ottawa — @HarleyGuy. I check in with him several times a day and he’s been amazing.


I attend meetings every day. I’m fitter, stronger, healthier, and most importantly, sober.

Thank you for reading my long arse post. I hope to continue posting nothing but good things in this thread. Thanks to @LevButlerov, @HarleyGuy, and @ZenithHealth for all the support and kind words and well wishes from the EVO community.


Thank you for caring.

Very deep story thank you for sharing with us.
I hope to see you completely change your life with EVO family

 

[LevButlerov]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

(Sorry guys, this is the cleaned up version, can one of the mods replace it, also the tital should be Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy, I am doing a story/journal of my life fighting for sobriety. This could be all over the place, but I’ll do my best.

The best way to start, I think, is exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting. I learnt from international members of Alcoholics Anonymous that they don’t actually call it an ID meeting, they call it Identification, but in Australia we refer to it as an ID meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14. A lot of people in AA say their first drink helped them get out of their skin, gave them confidence, reduced anxiety, gave them “Dutch courage” to speak to girls, etc. I never had this problem. I was a highly confident kid. I made friends easily and even though I had to “run around the shower to get wet” (meaning I was so skinny I’d have to move around to catch the water, not literally), girls were no issue.

My first girlfriend was 16 when I was 14, she taught me a thing or too and I also pulled one of the hottest girls in my school, a Japanese exchange student, when I was 16 and she was 19. I’m not gloating or boasting, I’m just trying to show that socially I had a lot going for me.

The drinking was all just fun. This was 24 years ago, when I was 14, and I still remember that $20 was a night out. I’d go three ways in a slab (24 beers, maybe called a carton where you’re from) and spend $10 on a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes were already expensive back then due to taxes and now cost about $60 AUD for a legit pack at 7/11. So it was 8 beers, a pack of smokes, head down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16. I grew up wealthy. My father had a really good run in his trucking business. Later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck that he got as far as he did.

From Year 7 to Year 10 in high school (for international friends, we don’t have elementary/junior/high school, just primary and secondary), I never applied myself. I didn’t do any work. School was just somewhere to go and dick around with mates. Every year the school would say, “We know you’re smart enough but you don’t apply yourself,” and then they’d bump me up anyway.

By the end of Year 10 they turned around to me and some mates and said, “You can apply for Year 11 but we won’t be processing the paperwork,” which effectively kicked us out of the school. I moved to a technical school that only services Years 10, 11 and 12. I was a new fish in a big pond and didn’t know anyone. Around the same time, the Japanese exchange student I was head over heels in love with dumped me, which pathetically took me until I was about 21 to fully get over.

At this point my confidence really started to drop off. No longer “rich”, Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, new people. I went from outgoing and able to talk to anyone to, year by year, becoming more and more of a social retard. That didn’t happen overnight, it took about nine years to turn into full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties. Ecstasy was huge in Australia at the time and I fucking loved it. I adored ecstasy. SOOOOO much fun was had on that drug. From 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me. Every weekend I’d smash as many as I could afford along with heavy drinking. I’d blow my entire pay cheque partying, feel like death until Wednesday, then the pay cheque would come in and I’d do it all over again.

Remember the pathetic Japanese sheila part? That led to a massive dry spell. I didn’t have sex again that I didn’t pay for until I was about 23. That’s seven years between roots (roots = fucking) without money attached to it. I was ashamed of it and told myself, “I’m young and I’m throwing my formative years away.” I built up the courage to go to a party, met a woman a couple of years older than me, fucked her that night in the pool room, got her number and pursued her, and then fell head over heels in love again.


She was with me as a rebound. It didn’t work out. The upside was I’d been going to the gym since 18 and had made some decent but moderate gains. That heartache filled me with fury and I smashed the gym and got into the best shape I’d ever been in.

Then I met another woman, one who changed my life irrevocably. She was a single mum and someone I knew in high school (we hated each other back then). Here I was at 23, getting into a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter (platonically of course)

The problem, besides dating a single mum, was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off so many times but she would use her daughter against me and I’d stay. Bit by bit, unacceptable became acceptable. I entered white trash type living. She basically shook me down for money. After two years she said, “I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, I’m going to start going out more,” and she did. Every weekend.

So here I am at home with HER five-year-old daughter. I still had mates over to drink and party, but I basically became her babysitter. Sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back. This went on for about four months. By the end, we weren’t even really in a relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine. Fuck, it sounds pathetic looking back.

Funny thing is, back then you got child payments from the government until the kid turned eight. Almost perfectly timed, she parties for four months and then tells me she’s three months pregnant. Did the math. Alarm bells were going off in my head: the kid ain’t mine.

After this long arse prologue, this is where the drinking really ramped up. From 18 to 25 I was drinking almost every day. Usually about six beers a night. I was still going to the gym. My mindset was, “I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have a few beers after work.”


But once the pregnancy thing happened, I started writing myself off more and more. The shame of the whole thing is obviously what drove it.
Six months later my son was born. I secretly did a mouth swab DNA test and his genes and mine were a match. He was mine. We never fully got back together. I’d stay a couple of nights a week at hers, she’d stay a couple of nights at mine. I’d fuck her from time to time, but the main thing was being in my son’s life. I still loved his older half-sister.


Over time the relationship got more toxic. My son’s behaviour was off and she was constantly calling me when I wasn’t with him saying he was out of control. When my son was about 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said, “I can’t do this, I can’t handle him, he needs to live with you.” At that point our relationship went from quasi-couple to non-existent and he moved in with me full time. There was clearly something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with autism at three years old.

As time went on she saw less and less of him. It went from a couple of nights, to one night, to no nights but a few hours, then once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months, and eventually not at all. His sister was still coming over and I was working on the other side of the city and had to put him in childcare at 7am and pick him up at 6pm. I work longish hours and always have.


When I applied for childcare assistance, his mother rang me furious and said, “Why did you tell welfare our son doesn’t live with me anymore?” I hadn’t, but I had called them for help with childcare. This stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments.


At that point I was living with my mum to help with my son, and I decided I needed a holiday. I took a trip to the UK with a stopover in Dubai. I met a Filipina working there as a maid and spent a few days with her. We stayed in contact. I flew back to see her a few times. Eventually she came to Australia to visit me and within 12 months, for visa reasons, we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavily but still thought I was in control. My son was with me full time and his sister was still visiting, but she started becoming rude to my new partner. When I raised it with her mother she just shrugged it off. I eventually worked out she was telling her daughter to be a shit to my wife. I had to make a choice, a fucking horrible choice that still haunts me to this day. I had to cut off his sister. A little girl with no father in her life and I was the closest thing she had to one.

IAt this point I was drinking a lot. I don’t know why, life was going reasonably well, it just escalated. The stress of my son’s autism didn’t help, the stress of dealing with his mother didn’t help, and dumping that poor kid didn’t help either, but overall life was okay. Somehow the drinking turned into ten cans a night. Come Friday night it was on for young and old. I’d drink all night Friday, wake up Saturday and crack a can, drink all day and night, repeat Sunday, then feel like death on Monday at work.

I was making good money and we were regularly visiting the Philippines, which was a party every time. I’d drink with family and people from the village. Everyone wanted me to come into their shit shacks and have a beer. I was basically drunk all the time when I wasn’t working, and then I started drinking at work too. It got out of control fast. My wife was constantly questioning my drinking and telling me I needed to slow down.

Eventually I was exhausted. My marriage was suffering. We had a baby girl who needed a stable dad and a son with autism who was doing well but needed extra attention, so I asked to go to rehab. I went to a 28-day facility. I attended Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous (because other inmates had those issues), and Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t see the value in it.


I got out and stayed sober for six weeks. Then I picked up again. My wife was fucking furious. I begged the facility to take me back and they did. This time I listened. I did what they told me to do. When I got out, I did the suggested 90 in 90 (90 meetings in 90 days), then kept attending AA three to four times a week. I managed to stay sober for 18 months. Life was going too good. I wasn’t lying to my wife anymore. I was happy. Work was good. I had a side business owning three trucks working within the company I was employed by.

Meetings started to drop off. Two a week. Then one a week. Then one every two weeks. Then nothing, Guess what happened?

I picked up again....

For the next 18 months I became a professional at hiding my drinking. I went to extreme lengths. Every two or three months I’d get busted, either by my wife or my son would dob me in. That took its toll. I tried limits. I tried rules. I tried only drinking on certain days. My wife works nights, so the three nights she was home I’d stay sober and struggle, then as soon as she went to work I’d drink.

It all came to a head six weeks ago when she busted me again. Then a week later my son told her I’d been drinking. She gave me the ultimatum: “If you can’t fix this, I’m leaving.”

I’m not violent or abusive when I drink, but I constantly drink drive. Touch wood I’ve never been caught, but she’d had enough. Enough lies, enough passing out, enough not being present for the family.

I’d read an article saying alcoholics had some success with Ozempic. I’d been gaining about 1kg a year and ballooned to 115kg at 6’ tall, so in my head it was a win/win. Lose weight and stop drinking. There is some truth to it, you can’t drink as much without feeling sick, but if you really want to drink you’ll just force it down and fight the urge to throw up. I did exactly that. It didn’t work.

Earlier in the year we’d planned a holiday and it was all paid for. Three months out I told myself I’d get into shape and stop drinking. It didn’t happen.... I was even taking PEDs and planning to go to the gym to jump-start things, but wasn’t actually going. Out of desperation, one more time, I asked to go back to rehab. This rehab was run by a senior amateur boxer who holds a couple of titles. Every morning was boxing and cardio, every afternoon was gym.

I got out. I kept boxing. I kept going to the gym. I did have one bust, but I went straight back to meetings and didn’t stop doing the work.


As of today, I am 14 days sober.


I’m doing things differently this time. I have a sponsor (I never did before). Strangely enough, he’s in Ottawa — @HarleyGuy. I check in with him several times a day and he’s been amazing.


I attend meetings every day. I’m fitter, stronger, healthier, and most importantly, sober.

Thank you for reading my long arse post. I hope to continue posting nothing but good things in this thread. Thanks to @LevButlerov, @HarleyGuy, and @ZenithHealth for all the support and kind words and well wishes from the EVO community.


Thank you for caring.

I followed your log from day 1 when you were poopoobum u/n and I'm truly happy inside to see you change your username and your life @3xCharm you have our EVO family love and respect for life, we will always support your on this journey.
Congratulations you have the first recovery journal tag in the EVO family as well
I was an alcoholic myself but not just a social drinker, I was so bad I was sleeping on the street and waking up strange places, you can read my story here
https://www.evolutionary.org/forums...-test-on-steroids-and-trt.107781/post-1899190

Special thanks to my brother @HarleyGuy a true inspiration to all of us thank you for supporting our brothers in need.

 

[3xCharm]

I followed your log from day 1 when you were poopoobum u/n and I'm truly happy inside to see you change your username and your life @3xCharm you have our EVO family love and respect for life, we will always support your on this journey.
Congratulations you have the first recovery journal tag in the EVO family as well
I was an alcoholic myself but not just a social drinker, I was so bad I was sleeping on the street and waking up strange places, you can read my story here
https://www.evolutionary.org/forums...-test-on-steroids-and-trt.107781/post-1899190

Special thanks to my brother @HarleyGuy a true inspiration to all of us thank you for supporting our brothers in need.

Will do and many thanks!!!

 

[LevButlerov]

Will do and many thanks!!!

I hope to see you on the podcast soon

 

[3xCharm]

I hope to see you on the podcast soon

Wow, that would be weird, hope your Podcaster is good at drawing out answers, social retardation remember

 

[ZenithHealth]

Wow, that would be weird, hope your Podcaster is good at drawing out answers, social retardation remember

Mate you have quite the story to tell, I can't think of many people I can say that about.

 

[stevesmi]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

@3xCharm This is an amazing story for sure. One of the things that I always tell people is that it's not necessary to drink alcohol or be a slave to any type of addiction. Freeing yourself from that is the best thing you can do.

 

[toddthelineman]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

Two weeks is great. If you have a sincere drinking problem there is NOTHING more worthwhile you can do than quit drinking. Winning the lottery would not give you better short term or long term results than quitting drinking. This is absolutely something you can do and you need to and it will be worth it and it will feel fantastic. The entire trajectory of your life will change for the better.

 

[toddthelineman]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

Two weeks is great. If you have a sincere drinking problem there is NOTHING more worthwhile you can do than quit drinking. Winning the lottery would not give you better short term or long term results than quitting drinking. This is absolutely something you can do and you need to and it will be worth it and it will feel fantastic. The entire trajectory of your life will change for the better

 

[ceo]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

Bros, that's great. You were able to come back hard, harleyguy really helping you out. He knows his stuff. He's been around a lot of experience in the past. @3xCharm

 

[Ulter]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

That's great that you posted this. It's going to help other people. I'm looking forward to following what you can do on this.

 

[ROIDDERS]

(please move this thread as you see fit)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy I am doing a story/journal of my life 'fighting for sobriety', I could be all over the place but I will do my best.

The best way to start I think is to do it exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting to which I have learnt from International members of Alcoholics Anonymous they dont call it that, they call it Identification but in Australia we refer to it as an ID Meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14, many in AA would say their first drink would help them get out of their skin, make them more confident, less anxious, give them 'Dutch Courage' to speak to girls etc. I never had this problem, I was a highly confident kid, I made friends easy and even though I would have to 'run around the shower to get wet' (meaning I was so skinny I'd have to move around to catch any water (not literally)) Girls were no issue to that my first GF I had sex with at 14 was actually 16 and also I pulled one of the hottest girls in my school who was a Japanese exchange student when I was 16 and she was 19 (I am not gloating or boasting, I just trying to signal that I had a lot going for me socially)

The drinking was all just fun, 24 years ago (when I was 14) I still remember $20 was a night out; I would go three ways in a slab (a Slab is 24 beers, maybe called a carton in your neck of the woods) and $10 for a pack of Cigarettes (Cigarettes even back then were expensive due to taxes and have steadily increased to the point that you purchase a pack of legitiment cigarettes now at a 7/11 for $60 AUD) So 8 beers a pack of smokes, go down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16, I grew up wealthy, my father had a really good run in his Trucking business (later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck he got as far as he did) Every year from 7 to 10 in High school (once again for our international friends we dont have a Elementary/Junior/High School system, just Primary and Secondary Schools) I never applied myself, never did any work, school was just for going to, to dick around with mates and every year at the end of the year the school would say "We know your smart enough '3xCharm' but you dont apply yourself" but they would keep bumping me up and by the end of Year 10 they turned around to myself and some of my mates and said "You can apply for Year 11 but we will not be processing the paperwork" effectively kicking us out of the school so I moved to a Technical school that only services Year 10/11/12 so I am a new fish a big pond and I dont know anyone, then the Japanese Exchange Student who I was head over heals in love with dumped me (which pathetically took me until I was 21 to fully get over)

At this point the confidence started to drop off, no longer 'Rich', Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, had to make new friends which was hard because my confidence was shattered, I went from outgoing, could talk to anyone to more and more year by year a social retard but that part of the journey, the social retard bit took 9 or so years to develop in to full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties, Ecstasy was huge in Australia at that time and I adored it, I fucking loved Ecstasy, SOOOOOO MUCH FUN was had on that drug; so 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me and I would smash many I could afford every weekend along with heavy drinking, blow my whole paycheck on the weekend partying, feel like death until Wednesday and then the pay check would come in and id do it all over again. Remember the pathetic part with the Japanese sheila well this was a huge dry spell for me (once again confidence destroyed) and I didnt have sex again that I didnt pay for until I was about 23 (fuck thats 7 years between roots (roots is slang for fucking) that didnt have money attached to it) and I got ashamed of it and said to myself "Im young and Im throwing my formative years away so I built up my courage, went to a party, met a girl a couple years older than me and fucked her that night in the pool room (billiards/pool) at the party and then got her number and pursued her and..... fell head over heals in love with another person and the problem with that person was she was with me as a rebound, it didnt workout and at that stage I had been going to them gym since 18, made some good but moderate gains but that heartache gave me so much fury that I smashed the gym and got in the best shape I had ever been.

I then met another woman, this one changed my life irrevocably, she was a single mum and I knew her in highschool (we hated each other in highschool) but here I was at 23, getting in to a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter, the problem was (besides dating a single mother) was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and had an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off soooo many times but she would use her daughter against me and Id stay and bit by bit, 'unacceptable became acceptable' I had entered white trash type living with this woman, she basically shook me down for money and then after 2 years she said to me "Hey, I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, Im going to start going out more" and she did, every weekend. So heres me at home with HER 5 or so year old daughter (Id still have mates over every weekend to drink and party with) but I basically became her babysitter, it was at this point, sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back and this all happened for about 4 months and pathetically it got to the point that we werent even in relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine visiting me on the weekend (Fuck it sounds pathetic looking back)

Funny enough though back then, you got child payments from the government until your turned 8 and then you were expected to enter back in to the workforce and almost timed perfectly, she is 3 months pregnant, so do the math; she is out partying for 4 months, she is 3 months pregnant when she tells me she is pregnant so alarm bells are obviously going off in my head "The kid aint mine"

Now after this long arse PROLOGUE I have made you read if youre still reading it is where the drinking increased, the shame of potentially getting this girl pregnant who my friends told me over and over and over again to get rid of was now pregnant and I am on fence for 6 months thinking, is it mine, how the fuck did I manage to get myself in to this? At this point from 18 to 25 I was drinking almost everyday but it was just 6 beers a night, still going to the gym, it was this mindset of "I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have some beers after work" but once the preganacy thing happened, I was writing my self off more and more, the shame of the whole thing is obviously what caused it and 6 months later my son was born, I know he's mine because I secretly did a mouth swab test and his genes and mine where a match.

We never fully got back together, I would stay a couple nights a week at hers, she would stay a couple of nights at mine, Id fuck her from time to time but the main thing was to be in my Son's life and I still loved his older half sister but as time went on the relationship got more toxic and my son's behaviour was off and she would constantly call me when I wasnt with him about him being out of control so when my son was 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said "I cant do this, I cant handle him, he needs to live with you" our 'relationship' went from quasi couple to non existant and sure enough he moved in with me and there was something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with Autism at 3 years of age.

As time went on she saw less and less of him but his sister would come and visit every weekend or so and stay the night and it even got to point that she had gotten so hopeless I was saying, leave them both with me permanently but she never went for it and the logistics of that wouldve been messy, me having a child in my house that I was no relation to etc.

So as I said the visitation dropped off, he would stay a couple of nights with her, then 1 night, then no nights but catch up with him for a few hours, then this was once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months and eventually not at all but the sister was still coming over. I was working on the other side of the city and would have to put him in childcare and 0700 in the morning and pick him up at 1800 because I have always worked longish hours. The reason I mentioned the '8 years and back to work' thing was because when I put him in child care you have it government subserdised and I get a call from his mother "Hey, why did you tell welfare 'our son' doesnt live with me anymore?", "I didnt but I did call them about needing assistance with childcare" this stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments for the next 8 years.

So I said to my mother who I had moved back in with at that point to help me with him that I needed a holiday so I took a trip to the UK but had a stop over in Dubai, met a Filipina that was working there as a maid and enjoyed a few days with her and then off I went, I kept in contact with her, flew over to see her again a few times, talked online all the time and eventually we became serious and we decided she should come visit me in Australia so she did and within 12 months for visa reasons we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavy but still in control (at least I thought I was) and 1 kid was with me and his sister was still visiting but then the sister was starting to become a problem and being rude to my new partner and when I went to her mother about it she just shrugged it off so at the point I had worked out she was telling HER daughter to be a shit to my new partner so I had to make a choice, a terrible choice, a choice that still haunts me to this day and I hate thinking about; I had to dump his sister, I tried to avoid it but THE CUNT wouldn't speak to her at all about her behaviour so this little girl with no father in her life, Im the only thing she's ever had close to being one and I had to leave her plus obviously my new partner was just puzzled why we were still putting up with it.

(pushed post by mistake, the title should read "Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey")

@3xCharm This is a heck of a story. It's really good to see how people can overcome this stuff. You're doing a great service not only to yourself but many others out there who will read this.

 

[2Thick]

(Sorry guys, this is the cleaned up version, can one of the mods replace it, also the tital should be Sobriety: An Alcoholic's Journey)

At the urging of the extremely supportive EVO members and @HarleyGuy, I am doing a story/journal of my life fighting for sobriety. This could be all over the place, but I’ll do my best.

The best way to start, I think, is exactly how I would do it in an ID meeting. I learnt from international members of Alcoholics Anonymous that they don’t actually call it an ID meeting, they call it Identification, but in Australia we refer to it as an ID meeting.

I first started drinking when I was 14. A lot of people in AA say their first drink helped them get out of their skin, gave them confidence, reduced anxiety, gave them “Dutch courage” to speak to girls, etc. I never had this problem. I was a highly confident kid. I made friends easily and even though I had to “run around the shower to get wet” (meaning I was so skinny I’d have to move around to catch the water, not literally), girls were no issue.

My first girlfriend was 16 when I was 14, she taught me a thing or too and I also pulled one of the hottest girls in my school, a Japanese exchange student, when I was 16 and she was 19. I’m not gloating or boasting, I’m just trying to show that socially I had a lot going for me.

The drinking was all just fun. This was 24 years ago, when I was 14, and I still remember that $20 was a night out. I’d go three ways in a slab (24 beers, maybe called a carton where you’re from) and spend $10 on a pack of cigarettes. Cigarettes were already expensive back then due to taxes and now cost about $60 AUD for a legit pack at 7/11. So it was 8 beers, a pack of smokes, head down to the park and drink the night away with mates and girls.

My life abruptly changed when I was 16. I grew up wealthy. My father had a really good run in his trucking business. Later I discovered its demise was inevitable and it was almost dumb luck that he got as far as he did.

From Year 7 to Year 10 in high school (for international friends, we don’t have elementary/junior/high school, just primary and secondary), I never applied myself. I didn’t do any work. School was just somewhere to go and dick around with mates. Every year the school would say, “We know you’re smart enough but you don’t apply yourself,” and then they’d bump me up anyway.

By the end of Year 10 they turned around to me and some mates and said, “You can apply for Year 11 but we won’t be processing the paperwork,” which effectively kicked us out of the school. I moved to a technical school that only services Years 10, 11 and 12. I was a new fish in a big pond and didn’t know anyone. Around the same time, the Japanese exchange student I was head over heels in love with dumped me, which pathetically took me until I was about 21 to fully get over.

At this point my confidence really started to drop off. No longer “rich”, Jap sheila rips my heart out of my arse, new school, new people. I went from outgoing and able to talk to anyone to, year by year, becoming more and more of a social retard. That didn’t happen overnight, it took about nine years to turn into full social retardation.

My early adult years were the noughties. Ecstasy was huge in Australia at the time and I fucking loved it. I adored ecstasy. SOOOOO much fun was had on that drug. From 18 to about 23, clubs and music festivals were a big thing for me. Every weekend I’d smash as many as I could afford along with heavy drinking. I’d blow my entire pay cheque partying, feel like death until Wednesday, then the pay cheque would come in and I’d do it all over again.

Remember the pathetic Japanese sheila part? That led to a massive dry spell. I didn’t have sex again that I didn’t pay for until I was about 23. That’s seven years between roots (roots = fucking) without money attached to it. I was ashamed of it and told myself, “I’m young and I’m throwing my formative years away.” I built up the courage to go to a party, met a woman a couple of years older than me, fucked her that night in the pool room, got her number and pursued her, and then fell head over heels in love again.


She was with me as a rebound. It didn’t work out. The upside was I’d been going to the gym since 18 and had made some decent but moderate gains. That heartache filled me with fury and I smashed the gym and got into the best shape I’d ever been in.

Then I met another woman, one who changed my life irrevocably. She was a single mum and someone I knew in high school (we hated each other back then). Here I was at 23, getting into a relationship with a single mother and falling in love with her daughter (platonically of course)

The problem, besides dating a single mum, was she CLEARLY had a personality disorder and an extremely unstable childhood. I tried to break it off so many times but she would use her daughter against me and I’d stay. Bit by bit, unacceptable became acceptable. I entered white trash type living. She basically shook me down for money. After two years she said, “I got pregnant so young, I never got to have the fun you had, I’m going to start going out more,” and she did. Every weekend.

So here I am at home with HER five-year-old daughter. I still had mates over to drink and party, but I basically became her babysitter. Sure enough I worked out she was fucking other dudes behind my back. This went on for about four months. By the end, we weren’t even really in a relationship anymore and I was still doing this every weekend like her daughter was mine. Fuck, it sounds pathetic looking back.

Funny thing is, back then you got child payments from the government until the kid turned eight. Almost perfectly timed, she parties for four months and then tells me she’s three months pregnant. Did the math. Alarm bells were going off in my head: the kid ain’t mine.

After this long arse prologue, this is where the drinking really ramped up. From 18 to 25 I was drinking almost every day. Usually about six beers a night. I was still going to the gym. My mindset was, “I worked hard today, this is what blokes do, have a few beers after work.”


But once the pregnancy thing happened, I started writing myself off more and more. The shame of the whole thing is obviously what drove it.
Six months later my son was born. I secretly did a mouth swab DNA test and his genes and mine were a match. He was mine. We never fully got back together. I’d stay a couple of nights a week at hers, she’d stay a couple of nights at mine. I’d fuck her from time to time, but the main thing was being in my son’s life. I still loved his older half-sister.


Over time the relationship got more toxic. My son’s behaviour was off and she was constantly calling me when I wasn’t with him saying he was out of control. When my son was about 2.5 years old she rang me one day and said, “I can’t do this, I can’t handle him, he needs to live with you.” At that point our relationship went from quasi-couple to non-existent and he moved in with me full time. There was clearly something wrong with him and he was diagnosed with autism at three years old.

As time went on she saw less and less of him. It went from a couple of nights, to one night, to no nights but a few hours, then once a week, then once a month, then once every couple of months, and eventually not at all. His sister was still coming over and I was working on the other side of the city and had to put him in childcare at 7am and pick him up at 6pm. I work longish hours and always have.


When I applied for childcare assistance, his mother rang me furious and said, “Why did you tell welfare our son doesn’t live with me anymore?” I hadn’t, but I had called them for help with childcare. This stupid cunt had dumped him with me and was still expecting to collect the welfare payments.


At that point I was living with my mum to help with my son, and I decided I needed a holiday. I took a trip to the UK with a stopover in Dubai. I met a Filipina working there as a maid and spent a few days with her. We stayed in contact. I flew back to see her a few times. Eventually she came to Australia to visit me and within 12 months, for visa reasons, we were married.

At this point I was drinking heavily but still thought I was in control. My son was with me full time and his sister was still visiting, but she started becoming rude to my new partner. When I raised it with her mother she just shrugged it off. I eventually worked out she was telling her daughter to be a shit to my wife. I had to make a choice, a fucking horrible choice that still haunts me to this day. I had to cut off his sister. A little girl with no father in her life and I was the closest thing she had to one.

IAt this point I was drinking a lot. I don’t know why, life was going reasonably well, it just escalated. The stress of my son’s autism didn’t help, the stress of dealing with his mother didn’t help, and dumping that poor kid didn’t help either, but overall life was okay. Somehow the drinking turned into ten cans a night. Come Friday night it was on for young and old. I’d drink all night Friday, wake up Saturday and crack a can, drink all day and night, repeat Sunday, then feel like death on Monday at work.

I was making good money and we were regularly visiting the Philippines, which was a party every time. I’d drink with family and people from the village. Everyone wanted me to come into their shit shacks and have a beer. I was basically drunk all the time when I wasn’t working, and then I started drinking at work too. It got out of control fast. My wife was constantly questioning my drinking and telling me I needed to slow down.

Eventually I was exhausted. My marriage was suffering. We had a baby girl who needed a stable dad and a son with autism who was doing well but needed extra attention, so I asked to go to rehab. I went to a 28-day facility. I attended Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous (because other inmates had those issues), and Alcoholics Anonymous. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t see the value in it.


I got out and stayed sober for six weeks. Then I picked up again. My wife was fucking furious. I begged the facility to take me back and they did. This time I listened. I did what they told me to do. When I got out, I did the suggested 90 in 90 (90 meetings in 90 days), then kept attending AA three to four times a week. I managed to stay sober for 18 months. Life was going too good. I wasn’t lying to my wife anymore. I was happy. Work was good. I had a side business owning three trucks working within the company I was employed by.

Meetings started to drop off. Two a week. Then one a week. Then one every two weeks. Then nothing, Guess what happened?

I picked up again....

For the next 18 months I became a professional at hiding my drinking. I went to extreme lengths. Every two or three months I’d get busted, either by my wife or my son would dob me in. That took its toll. I tried limits. I tried rules. I tried only drinking on certain days. My wife works nights, so the three nights she was home I’d stay sober and struggle, then as soon as she went to work I’d drink.

It all came to a head six weeks ago when she busted me again. Then a week later my son told her I’d been drinking. She gave me the ultimatum: “If you can’t fix this, I’m leaving.”

I’m not violent or abusive when I drink, but I constantly drink drive. Touch wood I’ve never been caught, but she’d had enough. Enough lies, enough passing out, enough not being present for the family.

I’d read an article saying alcoholics had some success with Ozempic. I’d been gaining about 1kg a year and ballooned to 115kg at 6’ tall, so in my head it was a win/win. Lose weight and stop drinking. There is some truth to it, you can’t drink as much without feeling sick, but if you really want to drink you’ll just force it down and fight the urge to throw up. I did exactly that. It didn’t work.

Earlier in the year we’d planned a holiday and it was all paid for. Three months out I told myself I’d get into shape and stop drinking. It didn’t happen.... I was even taking PEDs and planning to go to the gym to jump-start things, but wasn’t actually going. Out of desperation, one more time, I asked to go back to rehab. This rehab was run by a senior amateur boxer who holds a couple of titles. Every morning was boxing and cardio, every afternoon was gym.

I got out. I kept boxing. I kept going to the gym. I did have one bust, but I went straight back to meetings and didn’t stop doing the work.


As of today, I am 14 days sober.


I’m doing things differently this time. I have a sponsor (I never did before). Strangely enough, he’s in Ottawa — @HarleyGuy. I check in with him several times a day and he’s been amazing.


I attend meetings every day. I’m fitter, stronger, healthier, and most importantly, sober.

Thank you for reading my long arse post. I hope to continue posting nothing but good things in this thread. Thanks to @LevButlerov, @HarleyGuy, and @ZenithHealth for all the support and kind words and well wishes from the EVO community.


Thank you for caring.

This is definitely a cool story that you have. 14 days sober is fantastic man. Keep up the good work. We believe in you. A year from now you'll look back and you'll be saying, "I'm a year sober," and be proud of that. @3xCharm

 

[Dreamer]

Thanks for sharing all of this man, you have some great people in your corner, your story is similar in many ways to many others here, mine included, here for you and really wish you well on your recovery.

 

[3xCharm]

Some extremely wise words were said to me in the last 24hrs from @HarleyGuy; "You've seen the movie before, you know the ending" (that wasnt verbatim) I am coping quite well at the moment not drinking, @HarleyGuy has been a huge help with this, attending meetings of AA in Manila has been a bust but for some reason those words resonate with me sooooo strongly, I walk in to convenience stores intending to buy fruit juice or a red bull and you see the cans of beer in there as well, a nanosecond of temptation comes in, its weak (as in the temptation is mere a drop in the bucket) but its still there and then those words play out in my head "You've seen the movie before, you know the ending".

Powerful fucking words (at least for me) the temptation dissipates and I hope it continues to work!

 

[HarleyGuy]

Some extremely wise words were said to me in the last 24hrs from @HarleyGuy; "You've seen the movie before, you know the ending" (that wasnt verbatim) I am coping quite well at the moment not drinking, @HarleyGuy has been a huge help with this, attending meetings of AA in Manila has been a bust but for some reason those words resonate with me sooooo strongly, I walk in to convenience stores intending to buy fruit juice or a red bull and you see the cans of beer in there as well, a nanosecond of temptation comes in, its weak (as in the temptation is mere a drop in the bucket) but its still there and then those words play out in my head "You've seen the movie before, you know the ending".

Powerful fucking words (at least for me) the temptation dissipates and I hope it continues to work!

I'm really happy to read that you're walking in the footsteps of Bill W. as Bill saw it. In early recovery we need to start the tape with taking that first drink and then "play that tape to the end". We know how it ends and when we're at bottom it's jail, institutions, or death.

Or, similarly, if you do take one drink that's the start of your own movie you've seen a million times so just "play that movie to the end" before you push play and take that first drink, and ask yourself if that's where you want to be again.

 

[Masonic Bodybuilder]

So many people struggle with addiction and just keep it to themselves. Much credit to you for laying it all out here in the open. That will definitely help ask you conquer this beast. You got this man.

 

[LevButlerov]

Wow, that would be weird, hope your Podcaster is good at drawing out answers, social retardation remember

You can hear the EVO podcast stories here below @3xCharm
https://www.evolutionary.org/podcasts/

 

[HarleyGuy]

You can hear the EVO podcast stories here below @3xCharm
https://www.evolutionary.org/podcasts/

If you'd like to listen to our Podcast VIP members guest host here is a link to all of them as well @3xCharm: https://www.evolutionary.org/forums...oderators-vips-members-and-the-family.107195/

 

[Pigsy]

If you'd like to listen to our Podcast VIP members guest host here is a link to all of them as well @3xCharm: https://www.evolutionary.org/forums...oderators-vips-members-and-the-family.107195/

Have a listen to the podcasts brother @3xCharm once you get started in them. There very enjoyable

 

[3xCharm]

Unsure if I documented it but I have been sober since 09/12/2025 (9th of December 2025 for our Yankee Doodle Friends(Hope that doesnt offend our non northern state friends)) Still in Manila and heading to a resort town called Subic tomorrow morning, I have been doing 1 on 1 with a boxing trainer for an 1 hour and 20 mins everyday since I arrived in Quezon City (not exactly Manila but part of Metro Manila proper) and also hitting the gym as well, whilst in Subic I will continue the gym and when I get back to Quezon City on the 29th its back to boxing everyday again until the 5/1/25 (1/5/25) and gym at nights, I am in the best shape I have been in for 10 years right now, I am walking pretty much everywhere whilst in the Phillipines (15 mins walk to the gym and 25 minutes walk to boxing plus everywhere else, family etc)

Being introduced to boxing and back in to the gym again during rehab was a great running start and I have actually fallen in love with boxing, I find myself sitting at the gym watching other peoples footwork and technique with great interest and never knew how technical and how much of (martial) ART it is. Its remarkable how fighting systems are created and figured out.

I am still checking in with @HarleyGuy several times a day and he has been a saint in helping me, I will attend a Zoom meeting for AA tonight as meetings in Metro Manila have been a total bust.

I am 10 minutes away from Day 17, thank you everyone for your support, much love to @ZenithHealth, @LevButlerov and of course the one and only @HarleyGuy

 

[LevButlerov]

Unsure if I documented it but I have been sober since 09/12/2025 (9th of December 2025 for our Yankee Doodle Friends(Hope that doesnt offend our non northern state friends)) Still in Manila and heading to a resort town called Subic tomorrow morning, I have been doing 1 on 1 with a boxing trainer for an 1 hour and 20 mins everyday since I arrived in Quezon City (not exactly Manila but part of Metro Manila proper) and also hitting the gym as well, whilst in Subic I will continue the gym and when I get back to Quezon City on the 29th its back to boxing everyday again until the 5/1/25 (1/5/25) and gym at nights, I am in the best shape I have been in for 10 years right now, I am walking pretty much everywhere whilst in the Phillipines (15 mins walk to the gym and 25 minutes walk to boxing plus everywhere else, family etc)

Being introduced to boxing and back in to the gym again during rehab was a great running start and I have actually fallen in love with boxing, I find myself sitting at the gym watching other peoples footwork and technique with great interest and never knew how technical and how much of (martial) ART it is. Its remarkable how fighting systems are created and figured out.

I am still checking in with @HarleyGuy several times a day and he has been a saint in helping me, I will attend a Zoom meeting for AA tonight as meetings in Metro Manila have been a total bust.

I am 10 minutes away from Day 17, thank you everyone for your support, much love to @ZenithHealth, @LevButlerov and of course the one and only @HarleyGuy

Happy to see you're sober since 9th @3xCharm EVO family support for you!
Happy to see you back in the gym and boxing, strong cardio work.
Merry Xmas to you

Thanks @HarleyGuy for really helping here.

@BeMe @s.gentz
@Allupfromhere @Pigsy @Dreamer @Freki @R.AP
@waggat @Yuri @rizzlekdizzle @Grumpy

 

[Dreamer]

Unsure if I documented it but I have been sober since 09/12/2025 (9th of December 2025 for our Yankee Doodle Friends(Hope that doesnt offend our non northern state friends)) Still in Manila and heading to a resort town called Subic tomorrow morning, I have been doing 1 on 1 with a boxing trainer for an 1 hour and 20 mins everyday since I arrived in Quezon City (not exactly Manila but part of Metro Manila proper) and also hitting the gym as well, whilst in Subic I will continue the gym and when I get back to Quezon City on the 29th its back to boxing everyday again until the 5/1/25 (1/5/25) and gym at nights, I am in the best shape I have been in for 10 years right now, I am walking pretty much everywhere whilst in the Phillipines (15 mins walk to the gym and 25 minutes walk to boxing plus everywhere else, family etc)

Being introduced to boxing and back in to the gym again during rehab was a great running start and I have actually fallen in love with boxing, I find myself sitting at the gym watching other peoples footwork and technique with great interest and never knew how technical and how much of (martial) ART it is. Its remarkable how fighting systems are created and figured out.

I am still checking in with @HarleyGuy several times a day and he has been a saint in helping me, I will attend a Zoom meeting for AA tonight as meetings in Metro Manila have been a total bust.

I am 10 minutes away from Day 17, thank you everyone for your support, much love to @ZenithHealth, @LevButlerov and of course the one and only @HarleyGuy

Keep up the amazing work man, great to see you getting in some good training

 

[BeMe]

Unsure if I documented it but I have been sober since 09/12/2025 (9th of December 2025 for our Yankee Doodle Friends(Hope that doesnt offend our non northern state friends)) Still in Manila and heading to a resort town called Subic tomorrow morning, I have been doing 1 on 1 with a boxing trainer for an 1 hour and 20 mins everyday since I arrived in Quezon City (not exactly Manila but part of Metro Manila proper) and also hitting the gym as well, whilst in Subic I will continue the gym and when I get back to Quezon City on the 29th its back to boxing everyday again until the 5/1/25 (1/5/25) and gym at nights, I am in the best shape I have been in for 10 years right now, I am walking pretty much everywhere whilst in the Phillipines (15 mins walk to the gym and 25 minutes walk to boxing plus everywhere else, family etc)

Being introduced to boxing and back in to the gym again during rehab was a great running start and I have actually fallen in love with boxing, I find myself sitting at the gym watching other peoples footwork and technique with great interest and never knew how technical and how much of (martial) ART it is. Its remarkable how fighting systems are created and figured out.

I am still checking in with @HarleyGuy several times a day and he has been a saint in helping me, I will attend a Zoom meeting for AA tonight as meetings in Metro Manila have been a total bust.

I am 10 minutes away from Day 17, thank you everyone for your support, much love to @ZenithHealth, @LevButlerov and of course the one and only @HarleyGuy

Great work bro. Getting sober is one thing, but adding all these positive changes on top is how you make it stick. Loving the new lifestyle!

 

[Pigsy]

Great work bro. Getting sober is one thing, but adding all these positive changes on top is how you make it stick. Loving the new lifestyle!

There is a few of us who are recovering alcoholics. Be of EVO Family love here

 

[Yuri]

keep doing your best to stay strong! There will be light at the end of d of the tunnel brother

 

[ZenithHealth]

Unsure if I documented it but I have been sober since 09/12/2025 (9th of December 2025 for our Yankee Doodle Friends(Hope that doesnt offend our non northern state friends)) Still in Manila and heading to a resort town called Subic tomorrow morning, I have been doing 1 on 1 with a boxing trainer for an 1 hour and 20 mins everyday since I arrived in Quezon City (not exactly Manila but part of Metro Manila proper) and also hitting the gym as well, whilst in Subic I will continue the gym and when I get back to Quezon City on the 29th its back to boxing everyday again until the 5/1/25 (1/5/25) and gym at nights, I am in the best shape I have been in for 10 years right now, I am walking pretty much everywhere whilst in the Phillipines (15 mins walk to the gym and 25 minutes walk to boxing plus everywhere else, family etc)

Being introduced to boxing and back in to the gym again during rehab was a great running start and I have actually fallen in love with boxing, I find myself sitting at the gym watching other peoples footwork and technique with great interest and never knew how technical and how much of (martial) ART it is. Its remarkable how fighting systems are created and figured out.

I am still checking in with @HarleyGuy several times a day and he has been a saint in helping me, I will attend a Zoom meeting for AA tonight as meetings in Metro Manila have been a total bust.

I am 10 minutes away from Day 17, thank you everyone for your support, much love to @ZenithHealth, @LevButlerov and of course the one and only @HarleyGuy

Keep up the good work! Proud of you! These next 4-6 weeks are going to be the hardest, but stay strong my bro, we are here for you!

 

[HarleyGuy]

Unsure if I documented it but I have been sober since 09/12/2025 (9th of December 2025 for our Yankee Doodle Friends(Hope that doesnt offend our non northern state friends)) Still in Manila and heading to a resort town called Subic tomorrow morning, I have been doing 1 on 1 with a boxing trainer for an 1 hour and 20 mins everyday since I arrived in Quezon City (not exactly Manila but part of Metro Manila proper) and also hitting the gym as well, whilst in Subic I will continue the gym and when I get back to Quezon City on the 29th its back to boxing everyday again until the 5/1/25 (1/5/25) and gym at nights, I am in the best shape I have been in for 10 years right now, I am walking pretty much everywhere whilst in the Phillipines (15 mins walk to the gym and 25 minutes walk to boxing plus everywhere else, family etc)

Being introduced to boxing and back in to the gym again during rehab was a great running start and I have actually fallen in love with boxing, I find myself sitting at the gym watching other peoples footwork and technique with great interest and never knew how technical and how much of (martial) ART it is. Its remarkable how fighting systems are created and figured out.

I am still checking in with @HarleyGuy several times a day and he has been a saint in helping me, I will attend a Zoom meeting for AA tonight as meetings in Metro Manila have been a total bust.

I am 10 minutes away from Day 17, thank you everyone for your support, much love to @ZenithHealth, @LevButlerov and of course the one and only @HarleyGuy

And let no one say that after 17 days of sobriety a man has no wisdom about recovery!

@3xCharm had sent me almost 10+ messages on my cell and I replied that it's when we surrender to addiction instead of fighting it is when we find recovery.

His reply simply was: "Surrender to win..."

After almost 5 years recovered myself and 1000's of 12-step meeting and 100+ sponsees I've worked with, that is one of the wisest quotes I've ever heard about addiction. 3xCharm you already teaching the teacher, and that one will stay with me to my grave brother! I will use that to help others.

 

[ZenithHealth]

And let no one say that after 17 days of sobriety a man has no wisdom about recovery!

@3xCharm had sent me almost 10+ messages on my cell and I replied that it's when we surrender to addiction instead of fighting it is when we find recovery.

His reply simply was: "Surrender to win..."

After almost 5 years recovered myself and 1000's of 12-step meeting and 100+ sponsees I've worked with, that is one of the wisest quotes I've ever heard about addiction. 3xCharm you already teaching the teacher, and that one will stay with me to my grave brother! I will use that to help others.

Its time's like this i really love the Evo community, where else can you find people like this?

@HarleyGuy im really impressed with how much support you are giving and im equally impressed by how much @3xCharm is giving back. I'm feeling more and more confident that I made the right decision in my choice of sponsorship

Evo love to both you boys, keep it going

 

[Pigsy]

Its time's like this i really love the Evo community, where else can you find people like this?

@HarleyGuy im really impressed with how much support you are giving and im equally impressed by how much @3xCharm is giving back. I'm feeling more and more confident that I made the right decision in my choice of sponsorship

Evo love to both you boys, keep it going

@HarleyGuy is doing a great job. @ZenithHealth the past year the EVO family love and support has reach a height. So glad im a part of it. And things are only going up from here

 

[Allupfromhere]

Its time's like this i really love the Evo community, where else can you find people like this?

@HarleyGuy im really impressed with how much support you are giving and im equally impressed by how much @3xCharm is giving back. I'm feeling more and more confident that I made the right decision in my choice of sponsorship

Evo love to both you boys, keep it going

Fucking love this!!

 

[Allupfromhere]

@HarleyGuy is doing a great job. @ZenithHealth the past year the EVO family love and support has reach a height. So glad im a part of it. And things are only going up from here

% @Pigsy! 2025 was a year of refinement and ended with so much growth. 2026 will be the progression of something huge here at Evo

 

[waggat]

Unsure if I documented it but I have been sober since 09/12/2025 (9th of December 2025 for our Yankee Doodle Friends(Hope that doesnt offend our non northern state friends)) Still in Manila and heading to a resort town called Subic tomorrow morning, I have been doing 1 on 1 with a boxing trainer for an 1 hour and 20 mins everyday since I arrived in Quezon City (not exactly Manila but part of Metro Manila proper) and also hitting the gym as well, whilst in Subic I will continue the gym and when I get back to Quezon City on the 29th its back to boxing everyday again until the 5/1/25 (1/5/25) and gym at nights, I am in the best shape I have been in for 10 years right now, I am walking pretty much everywhere whilst in the Phillipines (15 mins walk to the gym and 25 minutes walk to boxing plus everywhere else, family etc)

Being introduced to boxing and back in to the gym again during rehab was a great running start and I have actually fallen in love with boxing, I find myself sitting at the gym watching other peoples footwork and technique with great interest and never knew how technical and how much of (martial) ART it is. Its remarkable how fighting systems are created and figured out.

I am still checking in with @HarleyGuy several times a day and he has been a saint in helping me, I will attend a Zoom meeting for AA tonight as meetings in Metro Manila have been a total bust.

I am 10 minutes away from Day 17, thank you everyone for your support, much love to @ZenithHealth, @LevButlerov and of course the one and only @HarleyGuy

That's awesome that you've found something you love in boxing.

Big shout-out to @HarleyGuy for his help as well!

 

[LevButlerov]

Its time's like this i really love the Evo community, where else can you find people like this?

@HarleyGuy im really impressed with how much support you are giving and im equally impressed by how much @3xCharm is giving back. I'm feeling more and more confident that I made the right decision in my choice of sponsorship

Evo love to both you boys, keep it going

Really happy to see you supporting @3xCharm @ZenithHealth

 

[HarleyGuy]

@3xCharm and I were howling laughing in tonights AA meeting texting each other Canadian vs. Aussie and making fun. It was a full on Canadian smack talk vs. Aussie hangin' shit fest and my abs hurt from laughing! Who says we can't have fun without alcohol!

 

[3xCharm]

'Aussie hangin' shit fest' learning well young dung beetle

 

[LevButlerov]

@3xCharm and I were howling laughing in tonights AA meeting texting each other Canadian vs. Aussie and making fun. It was a full on Canadian smack talk vs. Aussie hangin' shit fest and my abs hurt from laughing! Who says we can't have fun without alcohol!

'Aussie hangin' shit fest' learning well young dung beetle

CA vs AU this should be interesting lol @HarleyGuy @3xCharm

 

[HarleyGuy]

CA vs AU this should be interesting lol @HarleyGuy @3xCharm

We definitely had each other laughing up a storm

 

[Kopite67]

We definitely had each other laughing up a storm

Love seeing this and reading all of the support the Evo Family gives to everyone. I am totally in your corner @3xCharm, be strong brother.

 

[LevButlerov]

We definitely had each other laughing up a storm

International EVO family love @HarleyGuy @3xCharm

 

[3xCharm]

Hey EVO Family,

Today is day 21, It was a bit of a struggle, my first issue was in the shower and I felt like something was missing or that same feeling you have if you left the oven on or forgot to lock your house but as I searched for what I was feeling 'a drink' popped in to my head; in steps based programs when these thoughts happen alarm bells should be going off because they often say if your thinking about it constantly after some time of not thinking about it "You have already ready picked up again before you even picked up the drink" further to that another sensation I felt was an unquenchable thirst like nothing I could put in would stop me being thirsty so at this point I was getting freightened.

I did the right thing (as per my Sponsor @HarleyGuy explained to me) I first told my wife I was having trouble so now I have someone watching me more closely and then I contacted my sponsor and spoke to him. He ran through it with me and made me feel a lot better, I cant see the though has completely escaped me and I think half my problem is; is that I havnt been able to get to in person meetings as AA in Phillipines is crap.

I have upped my 1 on 1 boxing lessons until the 06/01 (01/06) to twice a day and I also goto the the gym twice a day too as to keep me busy and because I enjoy the boxing and even though the gym still annoys at me at the moment (hoping I get the gym bug again and start enjoying it) I do like the results of the gym.

I will also need to at least do 1 online meeting a day to keep my sanity in check.

Thank you everyone for listening/reading, thanks for caring, much love to EVO Family!

 

[Kopite67]

Hey EVO Family,

Today is day 21, It was a bit of a struggle, my first issue was in the shower and I felt like something was missing or that same feeling you have if you left the oven on or forgot to lock your house but as I searched for what I was feeling 'a drink' popped in to my head; in steps based programs when these thoughts happen alarm bells should be going off because they often say if your thinking about it constantly after some time of not thinking about it "You have already ready picked up again before you even picked up the drink" further to that another sensation I felt was an unquenchable thirst like nothing I could put in would stop me being thirsty so at this point I was getting freightened.

I did the right thing (as per my Sponsor @HarleyGuy explained to me) I first told my wife I was having trouble so now I have someone watching me more closely and then I contacted my sponsor and spoke to him. He ran through it with me and made me feel a lot better, I cant see the though has completely escaped me and I think half my problem is; is that I havnt been able to get to in person meetings as AA in Phillipines is crap.

I have upped my 1 on 1 boxing lessons until the 06/01 (01/06) to twice a day and I also goto the the gym twice a day too as to keep me busy and because I enjoy the boxing and even though the gym still annoys at me at the moment (hoping I get the gym bug again and start enjoying it) I do like the results of the gym.

I will also need to at least do 1 online meeting a day to keep my sanity in check.

Thank you everyone for listening/reading, thanks for caring, much love to EVO Family!

Keep strong brother. You are doing incredibly well. You are self-aware and putting mitigations in place to help yourself and that is wonderful way to do things. Whilst not on the same level as yourself, to manage my PTSD I found reading and meditation assisted me along the way and not only help distract the negative side of me but help calm and relax me. I am still doing this everyday nearly 5 years later. Sending Evo family your way bro.

 

[Mobster]

You faced adversity and did the exact right in the circumstances. Job done!

 

[ZenithHealth]

Hey EVO Family,

Today is day 21, It was a bit of a struggle, my first issue was in the shower and I felt like something was missing or that same feeling you have if you left the oven on or forgot to lock your house but as I searched for what I was feeling 'a drink' popped in to my head; in steps based programs when these thoughts happen alarm bells should be going off because they often say if your thinking about it constantly after some time of not thinking about it "You have already ready picked up again before you even picked up the drink" further to that another sensation I felt was an unquenchable thirst like nothing I could put in would stop me being thirsty so at this point I was getting freightened.

I did the right thing (as per my Sponsor @HarleyGuy explained to me) I first told my wife I was having trouble so now I have someone watching me more closely and then I contacted my sponsor and spoke to him. He ran through it with me and made me feel a lot better, I cant see the though has completely escaped me and I think half my problem is; is that I havnt been able to get to in person meetings as AA in Phillipines is crap.

I have upped my 1 on 1 boxing lessons until the 06/01 (01/06) to twice a day and I also goto the the gym twice a day too as to keep me busy and because I enjoy the boxing and even though the gym still annoys at me at the moment (hoping I get the gym bug again and start enjoying it) I do like the results of the gym.

I will also need to at least do 1 online meeting a day to keep my sanity in check.

Thank you everyone for listening/reading, thanks for caring, much love to EVO Family!

Stay strong my brother, Evo family here for you

 

[3xCharm]

Brief update: Its new years eve, its about 2145 at night in Manila, I am almost 23 days sober and Im off to the gym and then I have to go to a family function for new years where there will be plenty of drinking but I feel I am in a good space in my head, my family knows of my addiction and are understanding to the fact if I dont feel comfortable I will leave but I plan on enjoying the fireworks in the neighbourhood as the fireworks and the kids playing with them are everywhere (sounds like a battle zone outside at the moment)

Everyone have a safe and happy new years, much love to EVO family! Live long and Prosper!

 

[HarleyGuy]

Brief update: Its new years eve, its about 2145 at night in Manila, I am almost 23 days sober and Im off to the gym and then I have to go to a family function for new years where there will be plenty of drinking but I feel I am in a good space in my head, my family knows of my addiction and are understanding to the fact if I dont feel comfortable I will leave but I plan on enjoying the fireworks in the neighbourhood as the fireworks and the kids playing with them are everywhere (sounds like a battle zone outside at the moment)

Everyone have a safe and happy new years, much love to EVO family! Live long and Prosper!

And you dealt with the tomfoolery and your nephews friends perfectly who were trying to get you to take shots. You knew when it was time to leave and didn't feel any less than or that you were missing out. It's part of what we do in early recovery and you're humming along brother. Well done.

 

[Allupfromhere]

Look out 2026 because my brother @3xCharm will be tearing the fuking horn off this bull.

Biggest year ahead for you brother and you have the best team in your corner.

With you the whole way mate

 

[LevButlerov]

Brief update: Its new years eve, its about 2145 at night in Manila, I am almost 23 days sober and Im off to the gym and then I have to go to a family function for new years where there will be plenty of drinking but I feel I am in a good space in my head, my family knows of my addiction and are understanding to the fact if I dont feel comfortable I will leave but I plan on enjoying the fireworks in the neighbourhood as the fireworks and the kids playing with them are everywhere (sounds like a battle zone outside at the moment)

Everyone have a safe and happy new years, much love to EVO family! Live long and Prosper!

Happy New year our brother @3xCharm its hardest around these parties to stay sober, I know for sure myself but you did it, stay strong and stay busy have fun without the alcohol.
EVO family love your way!

 

[HarleyGuy]

One month coming up on 09Jan for you @3xCharm how are you feeling? Tell the EVO world.

 

[LevButlerov]

One month coming up on 09Jan for you @3xCharm how are you feeling? Tell the EVO world.

please do tell us @3xCharm

 

[3xCharm]

One month coming up on 09Jan for you @3xCharm how are you feeling? Tell the EVO world.

Pushy c*nt (and to a lesser extent @LevButlerov)

Hello EVO Family!!!

I am excellent (at least on the drinking front) I have burnt my self out physically though.... Yesterday I bailed out of my morning boxing session and came to the afternoon one and my trainer said "You can't focus and your punches are physically weak" to which I explained to him what I have been doing "0600 Gym, 1000 Boxing, 1700 Boxing, 2100 Gym, sleeping roughly 4.5 hours maybe a nap for 1.5 hours and eating one meal a day" and he said "you have clearly burnt yourself out" which I cannot argue with, I have burnt myself out!

I didnt go again this morning but I did do a good gym session so I am going to Boxing this afternoon and hope to gym again tonight and then i am going to the movies with the Missus.

As of today I am 28 days sober which is pretty cool, I constantly pass alcohol in convenience stores and dont feel any urge to drink but speaking with Cpt Pushy aka @HarleyGuy (I am joking brother, you know I love you ) once I get back to Melbourne and back to work I need to do more in relation to AA as I will be back in my normal enviroment and I will not be able to work out or box as much as I was.

Im in a good place, once again; best shape I have been in, in 10 years and Sober, pretty happy at the moment!!

 

[HarleyGuy]

Pushy c*nt

Haha that's my job! I'm watching you big boy!

(I am joking brother, you know I love you

Huge love back brother!

I need to do more in relation to AA as I will be back in my normal enviroment and I will not be able to work out or box as much as I was

And you will, and I will be in whatever meetings you do on zoom as well but let's get 2/week in person once you're home.

I am excellent (at least on the drinking front) I have burnt my self out physically though.... Yesterday I bailed out of my morning boxing session and came to the afternoon one and my trainer said "You can't focus and your punches are physically weak" to which I explained to him what I have been doing "0600 Gym, 1000 Boxing, 1700 Boxing, 2100 Gym, sleeping roughly 4.5 hours maybe a nap for 1.5 hours and eating one meal a day" and he said "you have clearly burnt yourself out" which I cannot argue with, I have burnt myself out!

You know why right? Avoidance. BUT! This is 'healthy' avoidance of the mind disease of alcoholism. If you sit stagnant the mind disease will take over and you will obsess. The obsessing is much more powerful over us vs. the physical allergy to alcohol once it's in our system. Keeping busy using the gym and EVO and being a Dad is the best way to 'avoid' the obsession to drink. Having said that you can't avoid it forever so once you're home we can start working on how to deal with the obsession part when you're not able to be so busy and the obsession rears it's ugly head.

You got this bro. Keep doing what you're doing and never get confident or proud, both in early recovery or whether you have as much time in recovery as your Dad. Always stay humble to what took us down because it's always lurking and ready to pounce.

 

[ZenithHealth]

Great job on keeping up the sobriety brother, definitely don't burn yourself out haha

 

[EvoNexus]

haha that’s exactly it man — proof u can still have a blast sober, just with better mornings the next day

 

[3xCharm]

haha that’s exactly it man — proof u can still have a blast sober, just with better mornings the next day

Yes, waking up not feeling like shit is pretty damn cool!

 

[LevButlerov]

Pushy c*nt (and to a lesser extent @LevButlerov)

Hello EVO Family!!!

I am excellent (at least on the drinking front) I have burnt my self out physically though.... Yesterday I bailed out of my morning boxing session and came to the afternoon one and my trainer said "You can't focus and your punches are physically weak" to which I explained to him what I have been doing "0600 Gym, 1000 Boxing, 1700 Boxing, 2100 Gym, sleeping roughly 4.5 hours maybe a nap for 1.5 hours and eating one meal a day" and he said "you have clearly burnt yourself out" which I cannot argue with, I have burnt myself out!

I didnt go again this morning but I did do a good gym session so I am going to Boxing this afternoon and hope to gym again tonight and then i am going to the movies with the Missus.

As of today I am 28 days sober which is pretty cool, I constantly pass alcohol in convenience stores and dont feel any urge to drink but speaking with Cpt Pushy aka @HarleyGuy (I am joking brother, you know I love you ) once I get back to Melbourne and back to work I need to do more in relation to AA as I will be back in my normal enviroment and I will not be able to work out or box as much as I was.

Im in a good place, once again; best shape I have been in, in 10 years and Sober, pretty happy at the moment!!

28 days sober big time powerful @3xCharm EVO family support your way! and thank you for @HarleyGuy for being stand up and supporting you!

@BeMe @s.gentz
@Allupfromhere @Pigsy @Dreamer @Freki @R.AP
@waggat @Yuri @rizzlekdizzle @Grumpy
@Coolguy @toddthelineman @Sheshredz

 

[3xCharm]

Haha that's my job! I'm watching you big boy!

Huge love back brother!

And you will, and I will be in whatever meetings you do on zoom as well but let's get 2/week in person once you're home.

You know why right? Avoidance. BUT! This is 'healthy' avoidance of the mind disease of alcoholism. If you sit stagnant the mind disease will take over and you will obsess. The obsessing is much more powerful over us vs. the physical allergy to alcohol once it's in our system. Keeping busy using the gym and EVO and being a Dad is the best way to 'avoid' the obsession to drink. Having said that you can't avoid it forever so once you're home we can start working on how to deal with the obsession part when you're not able to be so busy and the obsession rears it's ugly head.

You got this bro. Keep doing what you're doing and never get confident or proud, both in early recovery or whether you have as much time in recovery as your Dad. Always stay humble to what took us down because it's always lurking and ready to pounce.

"Always stay humble to what took us down because it's always lurking and ready to pounce." Mick the rehab owner (the boxing guy) because I knew him before Rehab as I had seen him at AA always said that Addiction is lurking in your head, its always there, doing push ups waiting for you to come back and when it starts talking to you and you listen he's already got you; it reminds me of this scene in the film The Hurricane

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(If I cant link it for some reason search for 'The Hurricane (1999) - Rubin Carter in Solitary Confinement' I never realised there is actually 3 personalities in the cell, Scared little boy, Rubin and Rubin's Hatred but I picture my addiction as Rubin's Hatred, Pumped up, ready to roll! (hope that makes sense)

Obviously with time not listening to him (addiction) gets easier but he is always there. 2 meetings a week sounds great and I will get out to physical ones as well, might even try 90 @ 90 (90 meetings in 90 days) which I did the last time I got out of rehab, plus we have to tackle to DREADED STEPS this time....

Just to add; Got mouthy with my wife again this afternoon, had to pull myself back, calm the fuck the down and suck up her arse pretty hard, she is struggling a bit with our holiday as she has to see so many people and because Manila is so chaotic it does start to wear you down, nothing here is done quickly, the Phillipines would have the worst productivity I have ever seen in my life!!

Thanks for everything Brother, thanks for all your support EVO Family, I look forward to the next chapter of my life!

 

[HarleyGuy]

2 meetings a week sounds great and I will get out to physical ones

I meant 2 physical meetings a week AND online meetings. Hardass HarleyGuy is back! 90 in 90 isn't a bad idea at all. We can start when you're home. I'll hop onto the virtual ones.

Got mouthy with my wife again this afternoon, had to pull myself back, calm the fuck the down and suck up her arse pretty hard

Remember what we talked about about this and in practicing a Step 10 with her. Remember the words to use and not use. You do your Step10 and then leave it at that. Keep you side of the street clean and the rest is her inventory.

 

[R.AP]

Pushy c*nt (and to a lesser extent @LevButlerov)

Hello EVO Family!!!

I am excellent (at least on the drinking front) I have burnt my self out physically though.... Yesterday I bailed out of my morning boxing session and came to the afternoon one and my trainer said "You can't focus and your punches are physically weak" to which I explained to him what I have been doing "0600 Gym, 1000 Boxing, 1700 Boxing, 2100 Gym, sleeping roughly 4.5 hours maybe a nap for 1.5 hours and eating one meal a day" and he said "you have clearly burnt yourself out" which I cannot argue with, I have burnt myself out!

I didnt go again this morning but I did do a good gym session so I am going to Boxing this afternoon and hope to gym again tonight and then i am going to the movies with the Missus.

As of today I am 28 days sober which is pretty cool, I constantly pass alcohol in convenience stores and dont feel any urge to drink but speaking with Cpt Pushy aka @HarleyGuy (I am joking brother, you know I love you ) once I get back to Melbourne and back to work I need to do more in relation to AA as I will be back in my normal enviroment and I will not be able to work out or box as much as I was.

Im in a good place, once again; best shape I have been in, in 10 years and Sober, pretty happy at the moment!!

Cracker effort mate. Having lost my old man to issues with drinking I'm stoked to read this.

I bet all of the physical activity is doing you wonders for your psychology. High output though. How much food are you eating? And water intake?

 

[HarleyGuy]

Cracker effort mate. Having lost my old man to issues with drinking I'm stoked to read this.

I bet all of the physical activity is doing you wonders for your psychology. High output though. How much food are you eating? And water intake?

You're bang on with this Coach @R.AP he's doing great staying physically active to keep the mind disease part (obsessing about drinking) at bay.

I didn't know that addiction touched you so closely as well, my hats off to you bro that had to have been tough. You have a very positive attitude despite all that which is great to see because it truly is a family disease.

 

[R.AP]

You're bang on with this Coach @R.AP he's doing great staying physically active to keep the mind disease part (obsessing about drinking) at bay.

I didn't know that addiction touched you so closely as well, my hats off to you bro that had to have been tough. You have a very positive attitude despite all that which is great to see because it truly is a family disease.

Interestingly bro, I had so much going on at the time that all of the "what ifs" and the magnitude of what had happened didn't hit me until a random night six months later...

 

[Kopite67]

"Always stay humble to what took us down because it's always lurking and ready to pounce." Mick the rehab owner (the boxing guy) because I knew him before Rehab as I had seen him at AA always said that Addiction is lurking in your head, its always there, doing push ups waiting for you to come back and when it starts talking to you and you listen he's already got you; it reminds me of this scene in the film The Hurricane

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Accept third party cookies

(If I cant link it for some reason search for 'The Hurricane (1999) - Rubin Carter in Solitary Confinement' I never realised there is actually 3 personalities in the cell, Scared little boy, Rubin and Rubin's Hatred but I picture my addiction as Rubin's Hatred, Pumped up, ready to roll! (hope that makes sense)

Obviously with time not listening to him (addiction) gets easier but he is always there. 2 meetings a week sounds great and I will get out to physical ones as well, might even try 90 @ 90 (90 meetings in 90 days) which I did the last time I got out of rehab, plus we have to tackle to DREADED STEPS this time....

Just to add; Got mouthy with my wife again this afternoon, had to pull myself back, calm the fuck the down and suck up her arse pretty hard, she is struggling a bit with our holiday as she has to see so many people and because Manila is so chaotic it does start to wear you down, nothing here is done quickly, the Phillipines would have the worst productivity I have ever seen in my life!!

Thanks for everything Brother, thanks for all your support EVO Family, I look forward to the next chapter of my life!

Doing an amazing job brother. Recognising you are mouthy, stressed or just plain tired and not resorting to unfavourable methods to cope is a huge step. Keep pushing, all of Evo is in your corner.

 

[Mobster]

Step 10 is similar to a old fashioned 'write it, don't send it' suggestion. If I'm mad I can wait just 5 minutes, cool down and my first thought becomes the 3rd or 4th.

 

[EvoNexus]

I'm really happy to read that you're walking in the footsteps of Bill W. as Bill saw it. In early recovery we need to start the tape with taking that first drink and then "play that tape to the end". We know how it ends and when we're at bottom it's jail, institutions, or death.

Or, similarly, if you do take one drink that's the start of your own movie you've seen a million times so just "play that movie to the end" before you push play and take that first drink, and ask yourself if that's where you want to be again.

@HarleyGuy nailed it. early on it’s basically a mental ambush — the craving hits for a few seconds and tries to sell u a lie. playing the tape forward kills the fantasy fast.

 

[Wheels85]

How good were the Mitsubishi X-Tabs back in the day! Not sure if anyone has suggested this or if it's recommended at this stage, @HarleyGuy would know. But, I have read and heard from addicts that GLPS1's do extremely good things when it comes to helping addicts fight their addictions. Good luck, bro!

 

[HarleyGuy]

Interestingly bro, I had so much going on at the time that all of the "what ifs" and the magnitude of what had happened didn't hit me until a random night six months later...

This makes perfect sense brother. Our subconscious protects us from the reality of it until we're ready to accept the reality of it. You 'know thyself' well if you can pinpoint when it hit home for you. That's healing because you know when the truth of it hit and then started to heal from it.

 

[HarleyGuy]

How good were the Mitsubishi X-Tabs back in the day! Not sure if anyone has suggested this or if it's recommended at this stage, @HarleyGuy would know. But, I have read and heard from addicts that GLPS1's do extremely good things when it comes to helping addicts fight their addictions. Good luck, bro!

GLP1's are okay for the sensation of feeling full and not wanting to fill your gut with alcohol (or food) but to cure the mental obsession part of the disease it requires the 12-step program. The disease of addiction is a mental obsession along with a 'physical allergy' (ie: one drink/drug is too many and 1000 is never enough). The mental obsession is the part we have to exorcise like a demon.

 

[waggat]

Pushy c*nt (and to a lesser extent @LevButlerov)

Hello EVO Family!!!

I am excellent (at least on the drinking front) I have burnt my self out physically though.... Yesterday I bailed out of my morning boxing session and came to the afternoon one and my trainer said "You can't focus and your punches are physically weak" to which I explained to him what I have been doing "0600 Gym, 1000 Boxing, 1700 Boxing, 2100 Gym, sleeping roughly 4.5 hours maybe a nap for 1.5 hours and eating one meal a day" and he said "you have clearly burnt yourself out" which I cannot argue with, I have burnt myself out!

I didnt go again this morning but I did do a good gym session so I am going to Boxing this afternoon and hope to gym again tonight and then i am going to the movies with the Missus.

As of today I am 28 days sober which is pretty cool, I constantly pass alcohol in convenience stores and dont feel any urge to drink but speaking with Cpt Pushy aka @HarleyGuy (I am joking brother, you know I love you ) once I get back to Melbourne and back to work I need to do more in relation to AA as I will be back in my normal enviroment and I will not be able to work out or box as much as I was.

Im in a good place, once again; best shape I have been in, in 10 years and Sober, pretty happy at the moment!!

Awesome update mate. 28 days is a big achievement!

What's up with you sleep? I can't recall if you mentioned previously you have issues with it. Or was that just a one off?

 

[3xCharm]

Cracker effort mate. Having lost my old man to issues with drinking I'm stoked to read this.

I bet all of the physical activity is doing you wonders for your psychology. High output though. How much food are you eating? And water intake?

Back in Melbourne now but water intake was ok, I found I was drinking roughly 6 Red Bulls a day to get me going to do anything physical and eating wise I was only eating 1 to 1.5 meals a day.

On the sleep front I generally average 4.5 hours a night, I fall asleep around 0100 and I wake up at 0430 for work, a big problem for me is I need no disruptions at all to sleep so if my wife is still awake I rarely fall asleep so she falls asleep around 1130 and then I need that hour or so to get comfortable/relaxed what ever you want to call it to fall asleep.

 

[3xCharm]

1.5 hours away from day 31 gents, pretty happy! Back in Melbourne now and back to work tomorrow which I will easily need to do a 13-15 hour day due to a mountain of shit not done in my Absence.

I plan on going back to the Gym on Saturday, have a place to train boxing lined up which will be 'Boxing Technique' but also I will probably do Muay Thai as well and do 4-5 night a week of both depending on what is on that night.

Started teeing up my AA nights as well.

 

[ZenithHealth]

Back in Melbourne now but water intake was ok, I found I was drinking roughly 6 Red Bulls a day to get me going to do anything physical and eating wise I was only eating 1 to 1.5 meals a day.

On the sleep front I generally average 4.5 hours a night, I fall asleep around 0100 and I wake up at 0430 for work, a big problem for me is I need no disruptions at all to sleep so if my wife is still awake I rarely fall asleep so she falls asleep around 1130 and then I need that hour or so to get comfortable/relaxed what ever you want to call it to fall asleep.

Oh wow, you were putting your body through quite alot, dont burn yourself out my bro, the human body can run on empty only for so long, definitely take care of yourself and listen to your body, if it needs some rest definitely give it abit.

When you planning on getting on the Reta?

 

[3xCharm]

Oh wow, you were putting your body through quite alot, dont burn yourself out my bro, the human body can run on empty only for so long, definitely take care of yourself and listen to your body, if it needs some rest definitely give it abit.

When you planning on getting on the Reta?

Thanks for the Support,

I went to pick up a new bottle of BAC last night but saw that for some reason they want me to pick it up from the Post office instead of a parcel locker with ID so I wont be able to do this until tomorrow morning (I am working a huge day today due to being away from work for so long) so the answer is: Tomorrow

 

[LevButlerov]

1.5 hours away from day 31 gents, pretty happy! Back in Melbourne now and back to work tomorrow which I will easily need to do a 13-15 hour day due to a mountain of shit not done in my Absence.

I plan on going back to the Gym on Saturday, have a place to train boxing lined up which will be 'Boxing Technique' but also I will probably do Muay Thai as well and do 4-5 night a week of both depending on what is on that night.

Started teeing up my AA nights as well.

31 days congratulations EVO family support and love your way @3xCharm listened to your Podcast, amazing story and you're very good at telling your AA story as well. I'm a long time AA goes so I know this well.

 

[LevButlerov]

Back in Melbourne now but water intake was ok, I found I was drinking roughly 6 Red Bulls a day to get me going to do anything physical and eating wise I was only eating 1 to 1.5 meals a day.

On the sleep front I generally average 4.5 hours a night, I fall asleep around 0100 and I wake up at 0430 for work, a big problem for me is I need no disruptions at all to sleep so if my wife is still awake I rarely fall asleep so she falls asleep around 1130 and then I need that hour or so to get comfortable/relaxed what ever you want to call it to fall asleep.

You've been upgraded to VIP and your podcast episode is going viral @3xCharm we had a lot of listens to it!
https://www.evolutionary.org/evolutionary-org-648-interview-with-3xcharm-the-recovery/

 

[ZenithHealth]

You've been upgraded to VIP and your podcast episode is going viral @3xCharm we had a lot of listens to it!
https://www.evolutionary.org/evolutionary-org-648-interview-with-3xcharm-the-recovery/

Wowww!!!! Congrats brother!!!! Thats huge!

 

[Mobster]

1.5 hours away from day 31 gents, pretty happy! Back in Melbourne now and back to work tomorrow which I will easily need to do a 13-15 hour day due to a mountain of shit not done in my Absence.

I plan on going back to the Gym on Saturday, have a place to train boxing lined up which will be 'Boxing Technique' but also I will probably do Muay Thai as well and do 4-5 night a week of both depending on what is on that night.

Started teeing up my AA nights as well.

Nigh on done and you'll keep busy

 

[3xCharm]

You've been upgraded to VIP and your podcast episode is going viral @3xCharm we had a lot of listens to it!
https://www.evolutionary.org/evolutionary-org-648-interview-with-3xcharm-the-recovery/

Holy Shit! So how do I get paid?.... nah jokes, wonderful news, Dont know how to feel about it but Im glad it is contributing to EVO

 

[3xCharm]

Thanks for the Support,

I went to pick up a new bottle of BAC last night but saw that for some reason they want me to pick it up from the Post office instead of a parcel locker with ID so I wont be able to do this until tomorrow morning (I am working a huge day today due to being away from work for so long) so the answer is: Tomorrow

Got the BAC!!! Starting tonight!

 

[HarleyGuy]

Holy Shit! So how do I get paid?.... nah jokes, wonderful news, Dont know how to feel about it but Im glad it is contributing to EVO

You feel nothing about it ya wanker. It's just another day. Stardom will kill you, remember my words.

No but really Godspeed on getting that 30-day red chip. Red means you've stopped, next up is the gold/yellow 60-day chip. Yellow will mean you're pissing clean after 60 days, so let's get after it!

 

[stevesmi]

1.5 hours away from day 31 gents, pretty happy! Back in Melbourne now and back to work tomorrow which I will easily need to do a 13-15 hour day due to a mountain of shit not done in my Absence.

I plan on going back to the Gym on Saturday, have a place to train boxing lined up which will be 'Boxing Technique' but also I will probably do Muay Thai as well and do 4-5 night a week of both depending on what is on that night.

Started teeing up my AA nights as well.

@3xCharm feels good to be back home but at the same time like you said it seems like there's always stuff to catch up on. Glad you enjoyed your little vacation.

 

[ceo]

1.5 hours away from day 31 gents, pretty happy! Back in Melbourne now and back to work tomorrow which I will easily need to do a 13-15 hour day due to a mountain of shit not done in my Absence.

I plan on going back to the Gym on Saturday, have a place to train boxing lined up which will be 'Boxing Technique' but also I will probably do Muay Thai as well and do 4-5 night a week of both depending on what is on that night.

Started teeing up my AA nights as well.

bros boxing some fun stuff. a good workout. you can work your core too and endurance @3xCharm

 

[Ulter]

1.5 hours away from day 31 gents, pretty happy! Back in Melbourne now and back to work tomorrow which I will easily need to do a 13-15 hour day due to a mountain of shit not done in my Absence.

I plan on going back to the Gym on Saturday, have a place to train boxing lined up which will be 'Boxing Technique' but also I will probably do Muay Thai as well and do 4-5 night a week of both depending on what is on that night.

Started teeing up my AA nights as well.

Very nice man. I hope that you continue on the road to proper recovery. @3xCharm seems like the training is definitely keeping you on point. We want to see you succeed.

 

[ROIDDERS]

1.5 hours away from day 31 gents, pretty happy! Back in Melbourne now and back to work tomorrow which I will easily need to do a 13-15 hour day due to a mountain of shit not done in my Absence.

I plan on going back to the Gym on Saturday, have a place to train boxing lined up which will be 'Boxing Technique' but also I will probably do Muay Thai as well and do 4-5 night a week of both depending on what is on that night.

Started teeing up my AA nights as well.

@3xCharm good job, man. You are killing it and you are taking it one step at a time and one day at a time. Very proud of you, man. Keep up the good work. You are going to blow this away.

 

[2Thick]

Holy Shit! So how do I get paid?.... nah jokes, wonderful news, Dont know how to feel about it but Im glad it is contributing to EVO

you get a penny per 1000 views! hahah.. but seriously you did great! just finished listening to it you are a wealth of knowledge and changing lives ! @3xCharm

 

[Pigsy]

Enjoyed you podcast very much. Been sober myself now for 9 years. My dm's are always open

 

[LevButlerov]

Holy Shit! So how do I get paid?.... nah jokes, wonderful news, Dont know how to feel about it but Im glad it is contributing to EVO

Happy to have you in the EVO family respect and love your way! always @3xCharm

 

[3xCharm]

Day 37 EVO Fam!

Besides being a bit sick and needed to rest I am feeling pretty good, looking forward to starting my diet and PEDs, havnt got much to report on this end

 

[Mobster]

Day 37 EVO Fam!

Besides being a bit sick and needed to rest I am feeling pretty good, looking forward to starting my diet and PEDs, havnt got much to report on this end

Bet you're ready to rock!

 

[3xCharm]

Bet you're ready to rock!

I am but the 85kg thing has to happen first, hoping to hit that by next week sometime!

 

[HarleyGuy]

Day 37 EVO Fam!

Besides being a bit sick and needed to rest I am feeling pretty good, looking forward to starting my diet and PEDs, havnt got much to report on this end

Since this is your recovery journal and your sickness is related to what you posted in your Retatrutide log why don't you cut and paste the log entry and put it here. Part of early sobriety is overdoing it with something else instead of overdoing it with the alcohol/drug and this is presenting with you as overtraining which has run you down. You gave a good recap of this with your diet and training being too extreme and it making you run down and sick in your Reta log here: https://www.evolutionary.org/forums...ey-for-life-change.108442/page-2#post-1947867

Remember the problem isn't alcohol the problem is ourselves.

 

[LevButlerov]

Day 37 EVO Fam!

Besides being a bit sick and needed to rest I am feeling pretty good, looking forward to starting my diet and PEDs, havnt got much to report on this end

Good day 37 stay strong @3xCharm